Lessons learned

chapter 19

'Oh, you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out
Oh, you're all I taste
At night inside of my mouth
Oh, you run away
'Cause I am not what you found
Oh, you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out'

The song plays heavenly through my headphones as I stare at the boring, plain wall in front of me. Some people say that thinking about your problems is the worst thing to do, it leads to over thinking which can drive someone insane. I on the other hand, think that there is nothing worse than letting your thoughts become you, you need to embrace them before they embrace you.

That's why I sit here, thinking.

I listen to every word and apply them to my current situation, I've been doing this for an hour and every song so far has been linked to my life. I don't know if you could ever understand that sometimes a song can perfectly describe how you're feeling, it's simply wonderful. Somehow it feels like someone else is feeling the same way as you and it stops me from feeling so alone.

Why doesn't he like me?

A question that has been circling around my head and my brain has taken a fond liking to it and puts it on repeat like a bad song. If this was an English lesson you might say that it was almost like a broken record, much like my life really, broken...

What's wrong with me?

There has got to be something wrong with me, maybe I'm just too ugly for him, maybe too much like a boy.

My left headphone falls out and I turn my head to pick it up, standing over me is Indiana. I nod at her and put the headphone back in my ear. She gently pulls it out again.

'Nicolette Marly Stone.' She condescended me. I sigh turning my music off and taking out my head phones. 'Yes Satan?' I reply making her roll her eyes. 'What are you doing?'

'Thinking, self loathing, the usual.'

'Come on, the movie that you wanted to see is on in an hour and we have to go.' I vaguely remember mentioning that I wanted to go and watch a film a while ago but I don't know if I want to go now.

'I don't want to go.'

'Shame we already brought the tickets then.' She smirked and crossed her arms over her chest as if she were proud.

'Whhhhyyyy?' I moan pouting at her. 'Because you need to get out of this dorm, so me you and Jasmine are going to the movies.' I shoot her a death glare before grabbing my bag and walked towards the door.

'Aren't you going to get ready?'

'What's the point?'

'Nic!' She scolds me placing her hands on her hips. 'Get dressed.' I groaned.

Her eyes watched me as I grabbed the first thing that I saw and threw it over my shoulder and walked into the bathroom to change. I didn't feel like going out, all I wanted to do was sit in my bed listening to music and watching the summer pass around me, silently. Although, I don't want my friends to leave me because I know I'll become boring. I have to stick with them otherwise I'll have to deal with the loss of all of my friends as well.

When I exited the bathroom Indiana and Jasmine were both sitting on my bed grinning at me. 'Well look who's out of their pjs.' Jasmine said getting up to stand next to me. 'Meh.' I replied running my fingers through my hair that I should have tamed. It doesn't matter what I look like, nothing matters anymore I'll never be good enough. 'Shall we go?' Indiana suggested and I nodded letting Jasmine lead the way.

'So I was thinking that maybe I should tell James, what do you think Nic?' Jasmine asks me when we arrive at the local cinema. Jasmine has some strong ass feelings for James but she knows that he'll probably never date her, she's literally in the same boat as me.

'Well honestly Jas, I wouldn't recommend you telling him. It's awkward and simply unnecessary.' I sighed and watched her face fall. 'But what if he likes me back?'

'Then tell him.' Thinking about it now if I hadn't of told Peter I wouldn't tell him now, I don't know why I ever thought it would be a good idea. 'I'm scared because I think he likes someone else.'

'Then don't even bother, you'll just end up with an awkward relationship and I-' As we turned the corner I bumped into a muscular chest.

'Oh I'm so sorry I-' My eyes travelled up to the person that I had walked into. 'It's okay Miss Stone.' Peter said but averted his eyes from mine when I looked up at him. Out of instinct I stepped away and stuttered awkwardly. I looked next to him and guess who was there.

Yeah that's right.

Megan.

She was stood beside him rolling her eyes at us.

I looked between them at a complete loss for words, he was here on a date with her. Holy fuck. Awkward much?

'I...er...um...yeah...' I tried to string together a sentence but I couldn't, my mind was having trouble processing the scene in front of me.

Then to make matters worse another voice was heard from behind me.

'Nic?'

I turned to see Logan holding hands with a blonde that looked extremely familiar. 'Logan?'

What is happening?

'What are you doing here Nic?' He questions. 'Same thing as you probably, watching a movie.' Indiana sarcastically responds.

'Hey I remember you.' The blonde squeaks up. 'Excuse me?'

'You're that girl that punched me in the face on the night of Harly's party.' I tried to rack my brian, even though it was useless as I don't remember anything from that night.

'Did I?' I remember Peter telling me about it but I can't place myself actually doing it. 'Yes and because of you I had to break up with Harly.' She sniffles and this time I roll my eyes.

'Look barbie, I don't have time for your little teenage dramas right now.' I turned to Megan and Peter. 'I...I'll be going...' I rubbed my forehead in distress and walked away from them. That was a lot to take in.

'Nic, Nic are you alright?' Jasmine and Indiana asked when they caught up to me. 'This is why I shouldn't have left my bed.' I said angrily pushing open the doors of the film we were watching.

Lesson learned; if you ever tell a crush how you feel make sure they don't like anyone else and there is a small chance that you two may actually end up together. Otherwise you'll end up like me. Sad, alone and bitter.

Or alternately learn how to beat a bitch up and get through life like the violent motherfucker that you are. P.S this will end up with you being sad, alone and bitter as well, with a lot of bloody knuckles.

Your choice :)

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Hey guys could I have some feedback please? Need to know what you think of the story line so far! Thanks x