Lessons learned

Chapter 12

'Nic would you please stop pacing you're making me feel sick.' Abby groaned as her eyes watched my every move as I made my sixth lap around her dorm.

'I don't like him, there is no possible way that I like him.' I repeat tugging at the roots of my hair hoping that somehow the words will become true.

This is probably the worst thing that could have happened to me, I'm already unstable due to my rocky relationship with Logan and now I have piled this onto my already broken heart. I don't know how much more pain I'll be able to bare, rejection has never been my strong point.

Most teenage girls have crushes at one point of their lives and I was beginning to become thankful that I never got to experience one. I never crushed on Logan, I was basically thrown into a relationship with him and since then my eyes have only ever been for him, until now. Until Peter walked into my life and absolutely shattered it.

'You like him, why can't you just admit it?' Abby said moving to place her hands on my shoulders to stop my movements. 'If I don't admit it then it's easier to handle but as soon as I allow myself to have feelings for anyone apart from Logan I don't know how I'll manage.'

'What is the matter with you anyway?' Megan asks putting her science book to the side. 

'She has a crush on Peter.' Abby pipes up and I swat her arm. 'I do not have a crush on Peter.' I whine wishing that I meant the words in the slightest.

'Yes she does.'

Megan pulled a disgusted face and laughed at my discomfort.

'Peter? Ew really?' She scrunched up her nose and looked away. 'What's wrong with Peter?' I defended him getting closer to her ready to bounce, raising my voice.

'Nothing he's just...um not my type.' She sounded like she was sugar coating everything and I wanted to slap her there on the spot. 'There is nothing wrong with Peter okay?'I bitterly spat at her making her raise her hands in surrender.

'Fine, just don't say anything else about him. He's perfect and there is nothing wrong with him.' I cross my arms over my chest in defence.

'And you say you don't like him.' Abby mocks and I roll my eyes.

'I don't!' Even though I know deep down that I like him more than I am ever willing to admit I continue to lie to them and myself.

I huffed in frustration and threw myself against Abby's new roomates's bed. Having crushes on people hurts like a bitch apparently and I am not looking forward to this.

'Should I tell him?'

'No Nic, that would ruin your friendship.' Megan says coming to sit next to me. I straighten myself up and lean back against the wall, maybe she's right.

'Well I can't just keep pretending.' Alright I guess I would have to admit it at some point.

'You have to, if you don't everything will be awkward and he's like your best friend. If he doesn't like you then you'll end up getting hurt.' I faintly remember him talking about another girl that he likes and that makes the possibility of him liking me incredibly slim. so I sigh and agree with her.

'Yeah you're right I should keep this as a secret, he doesn't need to know.' I can't ruin my friendship with him and I can't lose everything that we have by telling him this. I need to keep it to myself.

'What do you think I should do Abbs?'

'Whatever you feel like you have to do, if you think telling him will end badly don't tell him. Do you think that he could ever like you back?' The harsh reality is that he would never like me back and so there is literally no point in telling him how I feel.