Lessons learned

Chapter 37

So basically after that night with Indiana and Calli I decided that I had to make up with Abby so as soon as she returned from London I called her over.

I told her that I was an idiot for taking things too literally and she appologised for bringing Peter into the argument in the first place. I learned that I needed to keep as many people close to me as I could, I couldn't keep pushing the ones I loved away.

The holidays soon came to an end and my classes started up again, which wasn't fun to say the least. After all that information that Calli and Indi told me about how Peter fell apart I wasn't sure where I stood with him.

He of course didn't think I knew about his break down, but I did and I had no idea how I should deal with it. I tried to avoid him as best as I could but he would always show up when I didn't want him to.

The most annoying thing was that everyone just looked at me differently, as if they weren't sure how they should act around me. It's like Peter told them that I was crazy and obsessive so they would act weird. It was really annoying I felt like I was loosing all of my friends and I hated it.

So the next part of this horrific twisted love story brings me to English staring at the back of Peter's head thinking about the what ifs. You see I had decided to sit far in the back because I wanted the ability to sneak in and out without much acknowledgment from anyone else.

Peter was right in my eye line with Megan sat directly next to him, her grubby hand on his arm holding on for dear life. I glared into her died blonde hair hoping that somehow she would just accidentally explode so all my problems could just disappear.

I sunk lower into my chair quietly tapping my pen against the wooden desk listening barley to the teacher. When I was dismissed I left quickly making sure no one noticed, I walked down to the uni's field to meet Jasmine, Logan and James. They smiled as they saw me approach and I flashed them one of my faked smiles- I got used to doing that.

'Hey guys.' I said taking a seat next to Logan.

I sat back and took a deep breath enjoying the slight sense of freedom that I had. In this moment, with my friends laughing around me, I was actually happy and it felt good to say so. I smiled adoringly between my friends and just breathed for what seemed the first time in forever.

Then, of course everything went wrong. All heads turned to signalize a new arrival, I looked up and groaned. Peter and Megan were walking hand and hand towards us, my mind started racing with worry and I felt Logan's hand gently rub my back in comfort, even though it didn't in fact comfort me. I moved away from him slightly and rested my head on my hand as I tried to look away from them.

'Sup.' Peter said directed to the rest of the group, ignoring me. Megan came and sat directly across from me and pushed Jasmine slightly so that she could make room for Peter. She playfully tugged on his arm and pulled him down next to her.

I made sure to focus all of my attention onto other things, like how green the grass was. I hated my life in that moment, I was forced to listen to their fucking baby talk.

I wanted to gag.

'Oh Peter honey, are you hungry?' She asked as she made her voice higher than usual, he shifted awkwardly before nodding. 'A little bit.'

She placed some chocolate in her mouth and encouraged him to take it from her, those devil eyes focused on me the entire time.

He edged closer to her and bit away the chocolate lingering for longer than he should have. I knew I had to look away to help my sanity but I couldn't. For some reason I felt like I had to torture myself, like I deserved to watch how happy he was without me.

I felt like it was my punishment for being not good enough.

I was an idiot.

How could Indi and Calli be completely convinced that Peter was inlove with me?

However, instead of showing them that it bothered me I sat up straight and started a conversation with James and completely ignored them. Soon after I saw Megan deflate and then I knew that I had won!

Lesson learned; getting emotional and letting people know that they've gotten to you isn't helpful in any situation. All you've got to do is be the better person and hold your head up high and ignore those who give you grief because at the end of the day, who gives an actual fuck about them?