Lessons learned

Chapter 32

I woke up early the next morning and decided to take a walk to appreciate London since we're likely to be going home today. I decided that I really need to clear my mind and gather all of my thoughts up before I return home, I can't keep running from the inevitable.

I walk down Oxford street and watch all the shops opening up their doors and getting ready for the morning rush. The air is brisk but I welcome the slight chill with open arms in the hopes that I will finally be okay with everything for once.

After walking for some time I find a bench in the middle of a park and take a seat. I slouch on the comfortable seat and breath out looking up at the morning sky. The clouds have parted allowing the sun to peak through and wake up the earth below it.

I wonder is Peter's worrying about me or at least wondering where I am. I hope he can't sleep, I hope he's worried sick. However, even if I did know that he was freaking out about my disappearance I don't think it would make me feel any better.

The truth is I don't want him to worry, especially not about me. I want him to be happy but yet I just want him to be happy with me which I know is incredibly selfish. She's not right for him, and I know that's not my place to say but it's true. She doesn't like him and there's no way that she would ever treat him like I would.

I would do anything to wake up next to him every morning and just be thankful that I'm with him. My thoughts drift off to what it must be like to kiss him, properly when I'm not drunk and when I can remember it. I wounder what it's like to be with him, to be loved by him. I want to make him happy, make him smile.

But he choose her.

He didn't want me to be the one to make him laugh, he didn't want to spend as much time with me as I do him. He wants to be with her because she's better than me in some way. She's prettier and she'll treat him better, according to him.

He choose her.

As if the universe was mocking me, my phone rang in my hand. I looked down at the caller ID relieved when I saw Indiana's name appear.

'Hey Indi, sorry I haven't been in contact with you. It's just been hectic down here.' I quickly explained.

'It's fine, where are you?'

'It doesn't matter where I am. I'll probably be home tonight though don't worry.'

'Okay, just promise me you're safe.'

'I am, I am safe.' I promise and she sighs before hanging up.

They don't deserve me as a friend, someone who leaves without warning and brings emotional distress to them. When I return I will apologise to them and make sure they never find themselves in this type of situation again.

I greedily look through the pictures on my phone purposely trying to find the ones that me and Peter took together.

I have a whole folder dedicated to our stupid selfies and I haven't dared to look at a single one since I found out that he didn't like me. My thumb slides across the screen after every picture and I cringe, in the end I had to put my phone away.

I miss our friendship.

I decide that I should probably go back to the house and pack up my stuff, I can't avoid this forever.

As I stepped into the house, I immediately see Ben sitting on the sofa reading the paper, I walk over and sit next to him.

'Good morning Nicolette.' He says keeping his eyes on the paper.

'Morning Ben, do you guys have any coffee here?' He looks at me and smiles before folding the paper up and placing it on the glass table on his side.