Lessons learned

Chapter 33

As me, Lottie and Hazel enter the house the deafening noise of silence hit us. I looked at the girls rasing my eyebrows until they shrugged their shoulders and walked further into the house.

Running my hand along the wallpaper I trudged forward until I came to my room. Abby was sitting on her bed rubbing under her eyes, she yawned and turned to look at me.

'Morning.' I said moving over to my suitcase which was on the floor.

'What the fuck have you done to your hair?' She gasped before unsteadily climbing over to me. She ran her fingers through my soft locks before pulling away quickly.

'I died it brown Abbs, it's not that different.'

'Not that different! Nicolette it's brown, you went from ginger to brown.' I can tell she's still slightly drunk by the way she slurs her words so I decided against yelling at her.

'It's my hair and I can do what I want with it.' I replied harshly.

'Is this about Peter.' She asked quietly.

I drop the piece of clothing in my hand and turn to look at her. 'Don't bring Peter into this.' I warned.

'Well I'm sorry but it looks like everything that you've been doing recently is for Peter.'

'Like what!' I started getting angry, I balled my fists at my sides and waited for her to reply.

'Like what? Well getting your nose pierced, wearing longer clothes and bloody dying your hair brown.'

She has no right bringing Peter into this she should know that it's a sore topic.

'You think I did all of that stuff for him?'

She nodded rubbing her probably aching forehead.

'I didn't do this for him, I did this because of him!' I screamed and she suddenly took a step back.

'I can't wear the clothes that I used to wear because I'm too afraid of what everyone will think of me. I don't want to leave the house and hear another negative thing being said about me. I feel the need to make myself feel better and cover up the fact that I wasn't good enough by changing my appearance, and not so that he would like me but so maybe I can like myself again. I'd like to look in the mirror for once and be happy with what I see instead of constantly feeling that I'm not good enough.' I yell and grab my suitcase before leaving the room.

I'm beyond pissed that she brought Peter up, this has nothing to do with him.

I just want to go home.

'Hey hey, you alright Nicolette?' Zeke asks as I pass him in the hallway.

'Wonderful.' I exclaim sarcastically.

'What's up?'

'Nothing.' I state looking up at him.

'I know I'm a bit of a dick but I'd like to help you.' He winked at me and I felt disgusted.

'No Zeke.' I say firmly hoping that he'll get the message.

'Shit girl you should be lucky that I'm even fucking talking to you.' He sighed throwing his hands in the air.

'Lucky? Spare me.' I see Ben coming towards us so I push Zeke out the way and run into Ben's arms.

'I heard yelling, you alright love?' I nodded against his chest. 'This time I'm not going to cry.' I reassure him.

'You can cry if you want to hun.' He laughs but I pull away, I follow his eyes down to the suitcase in my hand.

'You really leaving now?' He asks his accent thick and laced with an emotion I cant register.