13 reasons Why Not

Chapter 16 - One week to go...

Hey...

It's Hannah... Hannah Baker.

Sorry I haven't written for a while, I assure you I'm not ignoring you. Since Alex's funeral things have been busy, shall we say...

One week, that's all we have left until I have to see Bryce Walker again, one week until the trial...

I'm dreading it!

I still can't stop thinking about what Alex saw that night... I forgave him...! I'm not angry... I just wish he could have helped... could have told me... helped me... that night.

Makes me feel worthless...

Today we are going to Clay's, me my Mom... Jess & co... we need to finalize details for next week... Clay's mom wants to take me through everything to make sure I'm prepared for any situation...

Plus I get to see my partner in crime... Clay!

You will be annoyed to hear I have not told him yet... I have thought about saying it so many times... I have been so close...

I love you Clay!

It doesn't sound hard to say... right? People tell each other they love them every day... The old Hannah Baker would have been the first to voice her feelings...

I'm so scared I will hurt him... mess things up... it would all become so real... although that's what I want more than anything I have to wait until the right time...

I can see a future with Clay... I don't want to ruin that...

On another note... Justin Foley....

He's back...

Clay saw him... at Alex's funeral. I think it was the hardest thing he's had to tell me... I could hear the nerves in his voice... I love the way he cares how I feel...

I think Jess took Justin's return a lot harder than me, I can see in her eyes she still loves him... mixed with so much hurt.

To tell the truth Justin want's to help... he is giving evidence against Bryce... about what happened at Jess's party.

Before that though he needs to sort himself out... Clay and Tony are helping... He looked so different... tired... low.... As if he hadn't slept for a month.

A million miles from that smile... the smile that started everything! I often wonder if I had never seen Justin Foley that night... what would have happened? Would me and Clay be together now? Would any of this even happened...? Would my life still be simple...

I don't know if Justin is doing this to help me... or because he feels so bad about what happened to Jess... when we met him he could hardly look at her.., his face full of shame and regret.

The truth is I don't care... If it help's putting Bryce Walker where he deserves to be anyone can help.

What if we don't win...? If he gets off...? I don't know what I'll do...

"Hannah! Honey... are you ready?"

"Yeah Mom... coming now"

I'm going to Clay's... I will keep you updated... speak soon!

As I got up I noticed someone outside... at the end of the drive...

He was looking at my house... at my window...

I moved closer to the window... I grabbed my phone and zoomed in using my camera...

I took a picture...