This is really bad sorry
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Standing in the shower letting the hot drips slide all down your body you felt all your worries go away.
You hated being stressed out and anxious. For some reason you had been a lot more stressed than usual. You didn't know if it was with all the meetings and interviews you have been having for all tv shows and everything. But if it wasn't that you would have no idea what it was.
You would always have showers when you were feeling like this. Tom couldn't even calm you out of it sometimes. This one felt different. You had no clue of what was wrong.
Looking at the fogged up glass I front of you, you then shut your eyes and listened to the litter patter of the water hit the ground. No thoughts going through your head. Silence was your favorite sound sometimes. With no thoughts bouncing around your head feeling like they could break through. It was perfect. You know you could stay in here forever but you have you ever so loving boyfriend waiting for you.
You turned it off at the switch and the cold instantly hit you. Autumn time in London was quite the part of cold. You got out and wrapped your hair into a towel to stop it from dripping everywhere. You then grabbed the towel off the radiator and wrapped it around you. You whipped around you body letting the towel take in all the water off your body.
Placing it back on the radiator you were stood with nothing on. You then turned around and caught a look at yourself in the mirror. It was still a little fogged up so you reached your hand out to wipe it away and there stood your body In front of the mirror. You. It was you what was the problem. A tear slipped from your eyes and you instantly whipped it away.
You have always worked hard on you body. You would not consider yourself fat but you once were. That's all you see in yourself. Fat. Tom loved your body. Ever little bit of it. Every flaw. Everything you didn't like, he loved.
You didn't know why you felt like this. It's all building up and it's two much for you. It just shows happiness isn't really everything.
Looking at yourself you turn to the side to see the stretch marks down your side which you always hated. You placed your hand over them and rub them ever so softly. But you then think to yourself you are better than this and you know you shouldn't be thinking you were not good enough. But there was always something in your way.
You stopped yourself getting too deep into your thoughts you grabbed your black joggers and slipped them on and then put your jumper on. Feeling all covered up you felt better. But not better than you should.
You turned off the light as you walked out of the bathroom and into your bedroom. It was lightly lit by your bedside table that was on. You then made your way over to your dressing table and went in one of your draws to grab your moisturizer. Sitting in front of your mirror you placed it on like you usually would.
Placing it back into the draw you then got up and made your way into the living room were tom was sat down watching tv.
'You okay love, you took a while' tom said turning around to face you
'Yeah I was just cold' you said as you got onto the couch and then moved toms arm and snuggled into him. His arm then went around your neck as you snuggled into his side. You hand was placed on the side of his body and you slowly moved your hand up and down so you had the contact you needed.
'Y/n' tom said pulling away causing you to then sit up but with your legs still over his
'Yes' you said looking up at him and his face dropped. He can read you like a book. He knows when something is wrong.
'Just tell me..you know you can tell me anything' he said grabbing your hands
'I don't know' you said as you looked down to your hands which were connected to toms.
'What do you mean you don't know baby..you can't tell me' you said as he took his hand away from yours and then placed his thumb under your chin to raise your head.
'I don't even know what's wrong with me' you managed to get out and then all the tears you held in bursts out. Your hands went up to your face then tom instantly pulled you into his chest. His hand gently rubbed your hair and he was rocking back and forth with you in his arms as he calmed you down.
'It's okay darling, it's okay' tom said and you could hear the Crack In his voice so you knew he was crying too. He hated it when you were like this, but he knew how to deal with it. Which you loved.
'Come on' tom said as he pulled away from him and you met those blood shot eyes that were still so gorgeous. You could see your future in those eyes.
'There is too much going on that I can't deal with tom' you said as you whipped away the tears that were still sneaking out of your eyes.
'You just need to calm down about it okay. It's not as bad as you think. Just calm down' tom said as he sat closer to you. Still maintaining eye contact you felt your heart slow down. You just a panic attack. Crying for so long, you are still shacking, the rocking, it's what usually happens when you have them.
'Your okay, your fine' tom said as he pulled you in again and rubbed up and down you back still rocking as he always did when you were coming out of your attacks. Breathing in and out through your mouth you got yourself back on track.
After getting it all out it's like a weight was lifted off your shoulder. Pulling away from tom he pulled you into a kiss. You pulled away to look at him and as you smiled he did too.
'I love you' you said as you went back into his chest and pushed him back a bit so you were back in your position
'I love you too' tom said as he kissed your forehead and grabbed you right. Just like he would never, ever leave.
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This was badddd and I mean bad but hey if you have any requests let me know hun
X
