Lams Fluff [In Progress]

I loved, and I loved, and I lost you

A/U-- This animatic is done by one of my favorite animators of all time, caw-chan, and I think this song works almost seamlessly with that gut-wrentching pain that we don't like to talk about. But warning: There might be gay. The song's good to. But anyway, I'm at a crossroads. (Hecate is messing with me: any hoo + pjo fandom here?) I could totally demolish any happiness left in this fanfiction, and be content with myself, because I'd be on roughly the same path as Rick Riordan or J.K. Rowling. You, know, where everyone dies. OR I could salvage their broken relationship. Part of me thinks that I made it damaged. Far too damaged. ;))))))!!! I'll just roll with it.
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John's POV

           Through the late-night bustle of a city hospital, the beeping of machines, the crackly voice calling doctors, John finds himself spread-eagled on a uncomfortable waiting room chair, eyes squeezed shut, head in hands, as if that would keep people from knowing he was sobbing his eyes out. The collar of his shirt was soaked in spit, due to him biting it in a feeble attempt in quieting his anguished sobs. They wouldn't let him see Alexander yet. Or if you could call it Alexander anymore. It didn't look like him.
           John was beside himself in grief, He could literally feel himself hyperventilating and going crazy. He couldn't manage his lie knowing he could've done more, could've saved him. He found himself opting for suicide. A kind looking African-American woman slowly walked up to him, crouching to his eye-level. She had kind eyes, and spoke softly. 
          "Honey, my name is Nokutenda, and I work here as a nurse. You are allowed to enter your boyfriend's room now." She helped me up and held onto my arm as she lead me down the halls. "I know many people that say this and don't mean it, but I know how hard this must be for you right now. Two weeks before I graduated med school, my girlfriend was killed in a drive-by shooting. We were engaged. But I got through, and I know that the Lord thought that her time was come. That I was strong enough to go through it. And I was. Here I am now, trying my best to keep things like that happening again. It's this door on the right, darling."
          She opened it for me and lead my shuffling feet to the chair next to his bed. I can't bear to look at his closed eyes right now. It hurts too dam much. So I just lean my head on the edge of his bed and mumble a thank you to Nokutenda. Praise god for good nurses. 

Alex POV ((you thought he was dead, didn't you??))
          Alex cannot register anything other than blinding pain and being moved. He can't hear anything, can't see anything, can't do anything. He's utterly and completely helpless. As Alex gets laid down on something, all he can feel is a prick in his arm. Then suddenly, everything that was black before turns gray, and then whitish, starting to glow.
          He opens his eyes. Without pain. Alex wonders at the sight, stretching his arms out in front of him, and stretches his fingers. No pain. Can he stand up? As soon as he thinks this, he's already standing, though he never moved himself. He takes a step, slowly, as if afraid the floor would crack beneath him and send him tumbling. When nothing happens, Alexander lifts his eyes to look around him, and both nausea and nostalgic waves course through him. He's in his childhood home. And his mother is sitting in the shabby chair next to his bookshelf, full of all the books he read and wrote. Alex can't comprehend. It makes no sense what's going on. He doesn't trust himself to speak, but his mouth involuntarily moves on it's own.
         "Mom?" 
The woman stands up and pushes her graying brown hair out of her worn face. But she's still smiling her smile that can light up anyone's day. It's his mother all right. For years after she died Alexander would place her image in his head and cry and call for her, wherever she might be. She rushed toward him, and wrapped him in a hug, her tears getting all over Alex's cheek. 
          "Love, oh my god, you've finally come. I told you we would see each other again. I knew in my heart that you would be able to find me. I love you so, so much. I missed you more than you could ever know." She says, gingerly holding onto his face and looking at every inch of it, like she might never see him again. "You've grown so much, baby. You make me so proud. You're beautiful." Her eyes fall onto a frayed patch on the side of Alex's green jacket. "What's this?" She says, fingering the pink, purple, and blue. Alex's eyes widen, freaking out or a second. He collects himself, clearing his throat, and says, "Uh, Mom, that... that shows my pride for who I am. Who I turned out to be. I'm bisexual." She flicks her eyes up to his face for a second, then looks back down on it and tenderly presses a finger against it. "I'm no less proud of you for who you love." She says firmly. "Was there anyone special in your life?" Alex automatically thinks of John, for some reason he thought that he was there when he fell unconscious... but, wait. Was? 

          "Mom, what do you mean, was?" He says, sounding like a frightened child, his voice trembling. Her eyes loose some of it's sparkle, and they look sad. She grabs his shoulders and searches his face, saying softly, "Honey, you've passed on. Why do you think you can see me?" Alex's mind races, and all he can think of is that he happily left his John. "Mom, you know I love you." He says. She nods her head furiously, probably knowing where this is going.
            " That I will see you again someday." More nodding.
"Is there any way I can go back?" She slowly nods now, eyes filling up with tears. Knowing something is coming doesn't make it any easier to go through. Just harder. She steps back and closes her eyes, saying, "We'll find each other again, love. I know it." The room starts to fade. "I'm so proud of you, nothing can change that." Alex can only see grey now. "I love you, Alexander." Everywhere is glowing.
             Alex's eyes open, and he gasps loudly, sitting up, and causing the machines to go haywire. A person next to him screams and falls backward in his chair. It's John! Alex scrambles out of his bed, and pulls out his IV drip-thingy, causing beeping to go off. All of the sudden there is heavy breathing and crying as he is wrapped up in arms much stronger than his own right now. Alex is so relieved that he's back that he starts sobbing and trying to talk is unthinkable. But he tries talking anyway, and it's incomprehensible. John shushes him, and yells at a nurse running through the door to get the 12 sobbing people from the waiting room in here, stat. For some reason, she doesn't look worried about me, just smiles, and dashes off.  John pulls my head back and rubs a  thumb down the side of my face, his forehead on mine. 
             "I missed you so much, baby." He murmurs. Alex smiles, even though it hurts. He's so happy he's able to hurt now. He'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all. He knows now that every pain, every harsh word, every stubbed toe is a blessing, that it is miraculous that he's made it this far in life. 
             "Shh, I know, I know." He whispers back before kissing John softly as a whole mass of people come flooding through the room.