Rejects | | a.u

1.2

CHAPTER TWELVE

*flash back*

   My fingers intertwine with Colton’s as our foreheads brush. This was normal for us, just standing in the middle of an empty room just enjoying each other’s presences. Neither of us talking and all you can hear is the rain softly hitting the window, it’s perfect. To say I’m in love with this boy is probably an understatement and I’ve never told him.

  I exhale, nervous as hell to tell him. Would right now be a good time? Is it too soon? We’ve been together for almost eight months and neither of us has said anything.

  “Hey Colt,” I whisper.

  “Yeah, baby?” he whispers back, wrapping his arms around my waist.

  “I think... I think I’m in love with you.”I mumble, setting my chin on his chest, looking up at him. His eyes widen.

  “Really?” he says sounding unsure. I feel sick. “That’s great babe, really great.”

  I smile at him, waiting for more of a half decent reply. I mean if he didn’t love me back that is fine I guess he just doesn’t feel the same way.

  “I love you too.” He says, kissing my forehead. I let out a sigh of relief, my mind racing and doing circles around itself.

  He loved me.

*end of flashback*

    He fucking lied to me. He took my heart and just ripped it out of my chest without a second thought. Nothing meant anything to him. It was all just a fucking game with him. He never loved me. He just wanted to make himself look good. He was the popular kid from the prep school down the road who supposed fell in love with a suicidal thunderstorm.

 Why would someone be willing to fall in love with me? I’m the biggest disaster anyone could collide with and why the hell would someone choose me to play silly little games with?

  Colton proved to me that maybe ‘love’ just wasn’t my thing and I’m better off alone. Hell, everyone is probably better off without me.

  I stare at the empty pill bottles on my nightstand. They are empty. I remind myself. They are empty because you don’t need them. You did that on purpose, remember? I roll over into my pillow, sighing loudly.

  Colton just fucked up so much and ruined so much. I fucking loved him.  I let him put his arms around me, I let him kiss my forehead, and I told him everything. And now I fucking regret everything.

  He was the first person I ever let in. I trusted him with everything, including my life which he practically seemed to throw away the moment he walked out the door.

  I was going to throw everything away because of him.

  I wonder what life would have been for everyone if I actually didn’t wake up. Sometimes I’m happy I did wake up, though. Other times I wish I was six feet under with my parents. I also wonder if Colton would come to my funereal or even realise he was a huge part in it all. Would be blame himself? Probably not, considering the fact he was so damn self absorbed and could do nothing wrong.

  My alarm clock suddenly starts to blare, snapping me out of my thoughts. I sigh and roll over to turn it off.

  Sitting up, I rub my eyes and brush my hair out of my face with my fingers.  I stand up and attempt to stretch. I waddle over to my dresser and try to comb through my mess of curls, not caring about it I just throw it up in a bun.