Rejects | | a.u

2.9

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

(March 19th, 2015)

1 day after

  If there was a word for an unbearable numbing pain like pins and needles but seventeen times worse mixed with heartache and death I'd crave to be alive.

  When I got the call I knew something was wrong. Asami's shaky voice filled my ears with the worst news I could have ever imagined.

  "Luke's car broke down so Michael decided to drive him *hiccup* and the car was coming towards them and *hiccup* it hit the passenger's side and *hiccup* fuck Bethan I am so sorry."

   Standing in the middle of an empty grave yard in front of your parents and older brother and getting the phone call that your boyfriend was in a car accident with one of your best friends is not the ideal call so early in the morning.

  It still feels like my heart just shut down and I am numb.I am absolutely nothing but a body with a mind that's slowly losing everything.

  He was taken away from me less than twelve hours ago, on the same day I lost three of the people that meant the most to me. Nothing means anything any more.

  I run my hands through my tangled dark brown hair and lean my head against the cold wall of the hospital. Michael is asleep in the bed with IV's coming out of his arm and different wires everywhere. Asami lays asleep curled up beside him. Michael had spent an hour trying to reassure the nurse that they wouldn't mess up the wires plus he just really needed her to be there with him because his best friend had died.

  Janet was called in immediately for Luke and it made me feel better that she was there to try and save him. What really crushed me was when she walked out of the room they took him into and she slide down the wall beside me. We were silent and she just started to cry. Janet hadn't said anything to me. I knew by the look in her eyes before she sat down that he wasn't coming home with us to lay in bed beside me and tell me sweet nothings or gently shove me playfully because I was laying on him. He wasn't going to leave me cheesy voicemails when he couldn't sleep. He wasn't going to start stupid fights with me over what movie to watch.

  Luke wasn't going to be there when I'm sad and my whole world is crashing down. He wasn't going to be there to walk across the stage with me at graduation. He wasn't going to have our first of hopefully many dances together at prom. He wasn't going to be there to tell me when to put the pills down and I wouldn't be there to tell him to get rid of the razors because now there's no use for them.

  He wouldn't be there to quote Shakespeare in the midst of a teacher's lesson. He wouldn't be sitting beside me in class on Monday morning. He wouldn't be holding my hand as we walked home in the cold, winter weather. He wouldn't be there for Valentine's Day and he wouldn't be there for Halloween, Christmas or New Years.

  He just isn't going to be here.

  I didn't think someone I hated at first would be the one person I wanted here so badly. I crave him, I want him, I need him. I need him to tell me it's all going to be okay and it's just a couple of bumps and bruises and he'll be home in a few hours.

  But he won't.

  Janet held my hand and looked me in the eyes with every bit of strength she had in her. It wasn't a lot. She just shook her head and let tears roll down her cheeks.

  "The way he looked at you," she started to say quietly. "Was like you were his whole universe."

  I bit down hard on my lip when she told me that. I smiled sadly and said "I know."