Rejects | | a.u

2.5

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

(December 13th, 2014)

111 days before

1 day before Luke’s home

 

 

   I promised. I promised my mother I would not rely my happiness on somebody. It seems like every promise I’ve ever made has disappeared down a drain like water.

  Something about Luke just made me so damn happy. Maybe it was the way is bright eyes light up when he knows he just told what may possibly be the stupidest joke in history. Maybe it’s the way he cups my cheeks when he kisses me and I know I’m his. He is mine and I am his.

  But maybe he makes me happy because any sad song can be turned into a happy symphony of countless and unknown emotions because he soothing voice fills my ears instead of chorus filled with anger and hurt.

  Maybe it’s the way he traces along every visible vein on my clothed body and whispers I love you countless times. Maybe it’s the way goose bumps line my pale skin and he sends chills down my spine. But then again, maybe it’s the way he calls me on a Sunday morning just to see if I’m awake at 9am to tell me he loves me.

  Maybe it’s just the way he loves me.

  I used to rely my happiness on pills. A small round mass of solid medication that was imprinted into my bloodstream, telling my body it was okay to feel happiness. They ruined me. I craved the feeling of alive so bad. I wanted to feel something. I felt nothing when my parents died. A nine year old girl is supposed to be happy. She’s supposed to be dreaming of living a happy life and finding her prince in shining armor. She’s supposed to enjoy playing dress up and watching movies with her friends. She’s supposed to be excited to go to amusement parks and trying on her mother’s favorite red lipstick for the first time. She’s supposed to be happy, she’s supposed to feel alive not wanting to be dead.

  Although, having my pills taken away has made me realize something. The day Luke took them away he became my drug. He became the high of my system and replaced the medicine in my bloodstream with his words and his touch. He became my happiness.

  Even now I want to overdose on happiness, and my happiness is Luke.

    He creates a hurricane in my mind and a storm in my heart. When he’s gone I feel the drug wearing off but as soon as his loving smile pops into my head it feels like an overdose. Luke has a strange affect on me. Without him I feel, sad, empty, and broken. But with him, I feel alive, in love, happy and content.

  All people want in life is to be happy and content. And I am one.

  -

  Ashton paces back and forth around the living room of mine and Janet’s apartment. He continuously wipes his hands on his black jeans and runs his large hands through his mop of blonde curls. Cassie sighs and stands up, rubbing his back.

  “I told you didn’t have to be the one to tell her.”

  “I want to be though.”

  Ashton, Cassie, Asami and I patiently await Janet’s arrival home from work. It’s a quarter to five and her shift ends in fifteen minutes, meaning she’d be home at 5:30.

  As soon as Asami and I finished school we sat down with Cassie and Ashton to figure out of official plans on telling Janet that Cassie is pregnant. The original plan didn’t involve Ashton all that much until he told us he needed to be there. He said if Janet is upset that she should only be upset with him. He wanted to prove he was ready and he will be there and there is no way in hell he is ever leaving.