The Dance Between Darkness and Light (girlxgirl)

Alison

I can't sit here a moment longer and watch any of this.  Dinner is finished and they'll be starting the rehearsal shortly.  We don't need to be here for that. We didn't need to be here for any of this. I can't believe I let myself think Emily was going to leave Tom. I'm ashamed that I brought Mya, that I let her convince me to come. I'm supposed to protect her, I'm her mother for crying out loud. I stood up, holding my purse and I can hear a faint chime coming from it.  Someone's calling, but I don't really care who, I've got my own problems.

"Em... Mya and I are leaving, we should never have come here tonight.  I don't know what else to say to you.  This feels awful, you made me believe you. You made me believe that we could happen; it was all lies. I hope you're truly happy with Tom. I just want you to be happy, even if it wasn't with me."

"Ali, please!  Where are you going?"

This is harder than I imagined it'd be.  I'm all choked up trying to get this out, but I have to.

"Um... you can say goodbye to Mya, I'll wait by the door for her."  I've made her cry now, this is not what I wanted for her. I don't want Tom or their families to see any of this.  I can feel my purse vibrating under my arm, someone's calling again.

"No. Ali, please, I need you to stay.  I can't do this without you.  Please?"

I'm barely able to speak, my voice empty and cold.  It's fitting I guess, that's how I feel inside.  I knew this is what it would come down to in the end.  Mya and me walking out... alone. Leaving the love of my life behind.

Mya can tell something is off, she might only be 7, but she knows this isn't right.

"Did Emily do huh thing yet, Momma? Why is she cwying?"

I feel dead inside, a sense of loss I can't comprehend because she's standing a foot away from me. We need to leave...now.  We don't belong here.  I scooped up Mya without another word and turned so she can't see me cry.  This is all I have left to say.

"Goodbye, Em."

I know Pam and Wayne were watching all of that, I could see them.  The look of sadness on their faces said everything.  They know I'm in love with their daughter, Em told me that a few weeks ago. And now I can see they are just as disappointed in her as I am.

What's wrong with me?  With us? Were we not good enough for her?  Should we have done more to let her know she was wanted... loved? Needed?

"Momma? Why aw we leaving? I want to stay!"

"We can't, sweetheart.  We need to leave."

"But why?!"

Because Emily's a coward who lied to both of us.

"Because I said so."

I want Emily to run after us, to stop me and Mya from leaving this place. I want Emily to choose us, to fight! I wish she would open her mouth, let out the truth and allow us to exist somewhere... anywhere outside of her heart.

She won't, though, she's a coward.  So I need to protect myself and Mya and leave this place.  We slipped through the crowded restaurant out the front door.  Dammit, who keeps calling my phone?  I'm in no shape to talk to anyone tonight.

"Alison!  Wait!"  Someone is calling after me in the parking lot, Mya and I both stopped and turned.

It's Pam...and trailing behind her is Wayne. This family is going to be the death of me. Mya and I were so close to just slipping out, going home and disappearing.

"Alison, can I please talk to you before you walk out on my daughter?"

"Walk out on her!?"  I'm so uncomfortable right now, and I shift my eyes down to Mya and back to Pam. I don't want her to know that anything is wrong or that I'm upset, but I know it's pretty much too late for that. Mya knows something is up. But Pam's a mom, so she knows we can't be frank until Mya isn't around.