The Dance Between Darkness and Light (girlxgirl)

Emily

I'm sitting at the kissing rock, thinking. It's freezing cold, but I went out for a run anyway, and before I knew it I was here.  Do you ever just need a minute? Or five? Or a million? 

I do.

I've actually been up here a lot lately.   I don't really know why, but I just...end up here.  It's beautiful with the trees covered in snow, and there's no one else around; perfect for me, and soothing for my restless mind. Who knows, maybe each time I come here it's because I'm running away.

My parents and I don't see eye to eye on Thomas, and we probably never will at this point. It's killing me inside, I don't know if I'm ready to marry someone my parents don't approve of. The thought leaves a hollowed out pit in my stomach.  Its been a month now since Mom visited and I cannot get her words out of my head.

She doesn't think I should marry Thomas. 

Okay, so she didn't say that in so many words, but she sure implied it. She was so specific, too, that's why I'm having a hard time with this.

Thomas is beyond jealous.  But not in a way I'd expect for a guy.  He's jealous I'm spending time with Alison.  Mom called it his character flaw; that it doesn't go away, that it never changes.

He hasn't brought up Alison in weeks, and we spend more time together at night now so that's helping. He doesn't seem to be jealous anymore? Things are going really smoothly for us, and I am still spending time with Ali, so I'm pretty happy in that regard. But I feel like me being in love with Thomas is disappointing my parents. I can't just quit with him though, I mean it was an argument.  You don't just give up over one argument. And it seems to be resolved.

But I still hate this, I can't think straight. I've been circling the rock for the last few minutes and now I'm back on top of it hugging my knees to my chest for warmth with my face tucked down. Why if this argument is resolved do I keep ending back up on this rock wondering if I'm making a mistake?

Crunch...crunch...crunch...

Seriously?  It's so quiet in the woods I can hear every step...crunch...crunch. Someone is walking up the path?  I'm annoyed, of all days, today?  Ugh, no one ever comes up here.

"Emily?  Are you here?"

I didn't tell anyone I was coming up here, not a soul. But he found me.  I'm irritated, this is supposed to be my secret spot.

"Yeah, honey, I'm up on the rock... how did you find me?"  How did he find me?

"Well I know the route you always kind of take when you run and you've been gone a couple hours so I got worried.  I remembered overhearing you tell Ali about this place so I thought I'd give it a shot."  I guess my spot isn't so secret anymore.

I don't want this place to become ours, it's mine and I like to be alone. Well, that's not entirely true, I like being up here with Ali, too. She asked if it'd be alright if she came up here sometimes and, of course, I said yes. I know Ali appreciates this place as much as I do. Thomas doesn't see what I see here. To him, it's just a dark, damp clearing with a big rock.

"I'm actually ready to go, I'm pretty cold."  I kiss him on the cheek, "That was sweet of you to come looking for me."  He's smiling at me now, I can see that he's proud of himself for hunting me down. Was he worried about me?  Or was he worried I was with Ali? I'll never know I guess, but I'm dragging him back through the woods now while I remind him that I have to work at the school carnival tonight.

"Oh really? I had a dinner reservation for us all set."

"Sorry babe, the PTO is feeding me tonight. I think I'm working the dunk tank with Ali."