The Dance Between Darkness and Light (girlxgirl)

Emily

I woke up just before 5 am with Ali's arm around me and my head resting on her bare chest.  I must have slept with my arm draped across her because I don't think I moved last night. This feels right, like we fit together.

I'm so content feeling the rise and fall of her chest as she breathes, I think I could fall back to sleep but I don't even want to breathe. I'm afraid I might miss even a moment of his feeling. There's a sense of calm that has settled on me being so close to her, sleeping next to her, with her.

It's so still in here that I can hear her heartbeat, and last night? It's replaying in my head on a loop.  I lost track of how many times I came, I didn't even know that was possible.  She was right, it was so different with her than it was with Thomas.  I've never orgasmed more than once with him and sometimes not at all.  But with Ali?  She knew exactly how to touch me and where.  I can feel small tingles inside me thinking about her touches and I can't help but pull myself even closer into her side.

We don't need to be to work until 8:00, so we have a few hours yet to keep the world out. I know once we step outside this house, though, this bubble I'm feeling so safe in will collapse and everything will be different.

I'm so calm right now that it doesn't feel like it, but I cheated on my fiancé. I'm doing everything in my head to push that thought down. To erase it, but I'm struggling. I still love Thomas, but I feel like I'm in love with Ali, too. My history with Thomas is important in this, it's not fair to him if I just throw all that away.

But what about me? What about Ali?

She said she's in love with me. That makes me feel excited, wanted, desired. Maybe I am still confused? She is making me feel how Thomas makes me feel, too. I'm drowning trying to understand this. I'm anxious and I don't want to feel that way right now, not while I'm lying here with Ali.  Not while I'm wanting to touch her, kiss her, make her feel things that she made me feel.  God, even the thought of it is making my breath catch and I feel instantly hot all over.  I want to know what it's like to have her call out my name.

I know it's early, that Ali's asleep still, but I can't seem to stop myself. Neither of us have clothes on and her skin is so smooth, inviting. I've run my hand down her abdomen because I want to feel her scar again. I'm fascinated by it, that Mya has left this permanent mark on her. It's strange to me really. Ali is older and has all these life experiences that I don't; ones that are intriguing. Like the fact that she's been married and divorced. I'm jealous that she's a mom, that she's an incredible mom... I wonder about my own abilities some days. Anyway, I could go on. She's lived several experiences that I've never even imagined yet. Thinking about Ali as an amazing mom, I am realizing I find that incredibly hot.

She is stirring a little now that I've been tracing over her scar, but I'm going to be bold like she said I was yesterday.  Trust me that I'm nervous to do this, but I want to feel her. I venture lower and I'm hesitating.  Well I was until I felt Ali's hand on top of mine.

"Em... you don't have to do this."

"I know... but I want to.  I wanted to last night, but I was so tired...". I've trailed off now, Ali's smiling.

"Tired, huh?  I think what you mean to say is that I exhausted you."  She did, I'll say it. We had sex for hours last night, I barely remember falling asleep.

"Well, yes you did.  The sex was...amazing.  And I know right now I don't have to do this, but I want to."  Ali is silent for a moment as we lock eyes until I feel the covers shifting.  She's widening her legs and brings my hand down onto her.

When I touch her, she feels... soft. And she's wet. I know she heard my breathing change the second I touched her. I want to see her face, hear each breath, see her body move with my touches.  I'm propped on my elbow so I can watch and we are once again alone, locked together, confined in this room.  I'm holding my breath once more, waiting for the walls to collapse; this surely can't be real.