The Dance Between Darkness and Light (girlxgirl)

Alison

"I don't know why you're asking me, you seem to already know who Avery is."  This is it, this is the moment.  The moment Emily warned me about, the moment that I don't think we can come back from.

"Ali, I don't understand. I don't understand any of this. You and Avery were...what? Who is Avery?"  Jack is so angry, beyond reasoning with or hearing any sort of an explanation that won't send him over the edge.

"You need to calm down. No matter what I say right now, you're not going to hear me. Let's take tonight and talk about this in the morning."  I'm about to walk away but he's not done with me.

"Oh no, don't use that teacher problem solving bullshit on me, I'm not 5 years old! We are going to talk about this right now.  You're going to give me some answers so you'd better start talking."  He has stood up from the bed by this point, his fists are clenched crushing some of the photographs I had saved of me and Avery.

I don't really know how to respond to this, the little hairs on the back of my neck are standing up.

"You're scaring me," I barely choke.  I'm trying to distance myself at least a little so I back up ever so slightly.

"NOW, Ali!" His voice boomed so loudly, I jerked back in fear and flinched as the shreds of the photographs flew through the air at me.

I knew this moment was coming I guess, and I left that box of stuff out so I only have myself to blame.  And I think I just don't care anymore. I don't care what he thinks of me, I don't care if he just up and leaves. Jack is hurt, he's angry, and I can clearly see that. But I don't fucking care anymore because my mind is made up.

"Fine. You want to know the truth? Not that it matters because this was before I met you. As in the past. As in it doesn't really matter anymore. But poor you, Jack! Let me stop and explain for you every single person I've ever been with including Avery. Yes, Jack, I was with Avery, in every sense of the word!"

Jack has an inner battle broadcasting across his face for me to witness. I could always read him like a predictable tv drama. Right now he's telecasting every last ounce of betrayal he feels. Betrayal for me not telling him I dated a woman at one point.  I can't believe this, but he wanted this come to Jesus moment so I'm not going easy on him.

"You want details, Jack? Well here they are! I was with her for 3 years. Three! We did everything together, went on trips, spent holidays with each others' families, slept together more times than I could ever count. Oh, and the sex? I'm sure you want to know about that, most men do. It was some of the best of my life. Avery was my girlfriend. And at one point, I thought I was going to marry her, god I wanted to. I was ready to spend my life with her, loving her. That is until I met you. And I chose you! Over her. Don't you get that? I chose to be with you!"

Jack is frozen in place, clenching his fists, clenching his eyes shut. He reached and grabbed a pile of the letters Avery had written me years ago, brought his hands together and tore them up as tears ran down his cheeks.

"So are you...bisexual?"

Fuck you.

"I'm Ali. That's who I am, you asshole."

I think that was a mistake to say that, I'm backed into the corner of our bedroom and he's scaring me even more now.

"You're Ali, huh?"  His eyes are the darkest blue I've ever seen, anger dripping from his mouth as he goes on. "All I see is a pitiful liar. Someone who didn't think I was important enough to tell you are bisexual or whatever the hell you are. That's fundamentally wrong, Ali!  I also see someone who didn't think I was important enough to involve in deciding whether or not we had more children. Someone who I can't even believe I ever married. I'm glad we didn't have more together....you disgust me."