The Dance Between Darkness and Light (girlxgirl)

Thomas

Just a few more days to go, I'm a little in shock it's so close now.  Our rehearsal dinner is in a few hours and our friends and family from out of town have started arriving.  It's going to be a little awkward at the dinner because both Avery and Alison are coming.  I even think Alison is bringing Mya, too. 

Maybe it won't be too awkward, though?  Em told me that Avery was their instructor in Phillie a couple months ago on that curriculum trip.  Apparently Avery asked Ali to dinner one of the nights they were there and they were out really late together.  Maybe they got along really well? Then again I can't even believe Avery did that, because best I can figure she hates Alison as much as I do. 

As long as those two can behave tonight and be civil to each other I'll be happy.  Otherwise I'll be pissed if they ruin our night.  Even more pissed if they ruin our wedding.

Pam and Wayne are staying with us the next few days to help out with last minute things.  But I've got to admit, I'm dying here.  Aside from one drunken night, Emily has iced me out for almost 6 weeks now without sex.  I have tried repeatedly to initiate with her and she just shuts me down.  Says she wants our wedding night to be a build up.  If I had my way, I'd take her in whatever room she's standing in right now which happens to be the dining room.  I wouldn't even care if it was the bathroom or wherever she would let me, I have gone way past sexual frustration.

Aside from the near total shut out, I am actually really excited because I don't think she's taking birth control anymore.  It hasn't been in the medicine cabinet for weeks, so I think she's changed her mind about how soon we can start our family.  Maybe that's why she's iced me out?  Maybe she's going to surprise me on our wedding night?  I can't wait to have kids with her, she's going to be an amazing mom to our children.

We are on our way to dinner and Emily looks stunning. Maybe she'll give in and let me  have some fun tonight... a guy can hope, right?  I think she's got some pre-wedding jitters going on, though, I can barely get her attention anymore because she's so lost in her thoughts. I'm holding her hand while I drive and she's barely said a word to me. I thought she'd be excited about our rehearsal, but she just seems nervous.

"Em?" She's absent, staring out the window.

"Em?" I'm squeezing her hand now, she's still not responding. I moved my hand to her thigh and squeezed.

"What?"

I'm a little hurt because she pulled her thigh away, practically recoiling from my touch.

"I've been calling your name.  What's up with you?  You're acting strangely."

"Nothing. I'm just...nervous."

"I'll be right next to you the whole time, there's nothing to be nervous about."

"Just... can we not talk right this second? I'll be fine, but I just need to not talk for a little while. Stop...trying so hard all the time."

Stop trying so hard?

What does that even mean? She needs to loosen up a bit before we get there, she's so high strung right now. I backed my hand off and stayed quiet the rest of the way, Em staring out the window.  This has to be her nerves setting in.

"Babe? We're here. Walk in with me?" Em is so out of it she never even heard me shut the car off. I've opened her door and I'm standing here holding out my hand...waiting.

"Em?"

"How many people are coming to this?  I can't remember, Thomas."

"What?"

"How many?" I'm so confused, why is she getting shy all of the sudden?

"I don't know, you planned it. Maybe like 15? My parents, your parents and a handful of others?"