He Heals Me

Chapter 16: Is It Really Progress Part II

L: Ok I can see your point. So how were things following that night?
K: Well it started off promising as most things do. We talked mostly through text. It went on that way for a while, but one night he informed me that he had something to tell me.
L: What was it?
K: He told me that he was currently married and seeking a divorce. I was disappointed that he didn't tell me that before but I also understood since I was recently divorced myself. I asked questions about why they were divorcing and could see it being possible. I told him to give me some time to think about it, and he did.
L: What did you decide?
K: Well obviously I decided that it didn't matter to me. I felt like I couldn't fault him for trying to get out of a bad relationship as much as anyone could have faulted me. I still wanted to get to know him even if it went nowhere.
L: Let's skip to the actual relationship. Was he divorced by then?
K: Sadly no...They were separated. He lived alone but she lived in the same town as he did. There were times when he would have to go to her house because she would call him raising hell. I tried my best to ignore her existence. I was being unfair to her but by this time I had already fallen for him. I refused to let him go.
L: How would you characterize your relationship at this point? Try remembering how you thought of it then.
K: I would say it was loving. He accepted my flaws and hang ups without judging. I was going through a lot with work and my appearance. My hair was thinning out so I cut all of my hair off. I did the big chop to go natural and unlike other people he thought I was still beautiful. He encouraged me to embrace my natural appearance. I felt safe with him.
L: Were you intimate with him?
K: Yes. You see we were the same when it came to that. We both were adventurous. We liked to experiment with different scenarios. We settled into somewhat of a dom and submissive relationship. I trusted him with my pleasure and he never pushed me too far.
L: So what eventually ended the relationship?
K: Jealousy I guess. Because I'm bisexual, we would look at women together. If we saw one when we were out in public, we would rate them. Just for fun really. It started off as innocent but he would send me pictures of women from time to time. He assumed I enjoyed it. At first I did. After a while it donned on me that these women looked nothing like me. They were light skinned with long hair and perfect bodies. Perfectly petite shapes with curves and nice asses. I had more of an athletic build. My skin was chocolate colored and my hair was short and natural. I felt like he preferred woman that looked like them.
L: Did you ask him about it?
K: More like I confronted him. I told him I no longer wanted him to send me those pictures because of the way they made me feel about myself. He tried to assure me that he felt I was beautiful. It was just how he said it that set something off inside of me.
L: What did he say?
K: He said that it was more rare to find a beautiful dark skinned woman. When he did, he said they were above the lighter skinned women because of the rarity. I didn't like that. I began watching his interactions with other women. He was always a more extroverted person. He was friendly with everyone but I only saw how he was with women. I hated it.
L: Why?
K: We were essentially a secret given his situation. His wife was fighting the divorce so to keep down the drama we hid our relationship. So in public we were just friends and he would do what I considered flirting with other women in front of me. One woman in particular seemed to receive a lot of his attention. It's ironic that they only met because of me.
L: You introduced them?
K: Pretty much. She was dating a friend of mine and she rarely went out so I invited her to work out at the gym with me. She already had an amazing body but I figured she could use some female bonding. He met her there. We would all play ball together even though that used to be something I reserved for Jordan and I. She was oblivious to our relationship. It went on that way until I saw the chemistry between the two of them. They would be in the gym playing without me. When I would come in, they would acknowledge me but it seemed like I was sharing him too much for my liking.
L: What was your response to this?
K: I started arguments with him about her. He played it off as if it was just to take the heat off of us since people had begun to suspect us. I was spiraling. We began fighting often over her and other women in general. It drove a wedge between us. I was obsessed. I would pull up on him to make sure he was where he said he was and to see if she was there. I only caught him in a lie once but it was enough.
L: What was the last straw?
K: He became distant. His divorce was finally moving forward and he was just waiting for his divorce decree to come back. I wanted to come out as a couple but we were in a bad place. We hardly spoke. When we did he was really just trying to distance us. When I had had enough I gave him an ultimatum. Either tell me we were together and there was no one else or I was done.
L: What did he choose?
K: He told me he wanted time to himself before entering into a full relationship. It broke me. I walked away from him. A few months later I found out that he and the girl he told me not to worry about were together. I was livid! I blew his phone up until he agreed to meet me to speak in person. He didn't want to and it was evident when I saw him. I asked questions but none of his answers brought me any closer to closure. I finally gave up. I told him we were nothing anymore. Not even friends. I told him I hated him. I left and tried my best not to communicate with him anymore. I started drinking more and spending a majority of my time alone. I was depressed. I didn't understand how the man who used to hold me at night and rub my head until I fell asleep could do this to me. I would've given anything to be with him. Even give up who I was. So here we are. I lost myself for him.
L: You know the problem wasn't you now though right?
K: I'm not sure.
L: It's true. When people can't see the beauty in us, it's because they aren't good enough to see it. If they aren't meant for us, they will never see it. You were to let him go but you held on. That is why you were hurt.
K: Even if he wasn't worthy, why couldn't he just love me?! I would have loved him enough for him to become worthy.
L: You must understand that there is nothing that would have made him worthy. He hid you like a secret. Like you were the one who wasn't worthy.
K: I always wondered if maybe I wasn't worthy.
L: Oh but you are. You have a fighting spirit that has brought you here. Through everything that they have done to you. You are still here and just as brilliant and vibrant as ever under that barrier that you put up. You should know your worth. A flower needs certain things to grow beautiful. Sunlight, water, soil. Some flowers however grow despite not receiving these things. These special flowers grow from the concrete in areas barely touched by sunlight with little water to nourish them. They are just as strong as others but also more fragile. As long as they continue to fight they will grow beautiful. Do you understand?

Author POV
Half way through his words Kina began to cry. No one could understand how deeply affected she was by having someone see her torment and not walk away or cower or ignore it. Larry doesn't placate to her. He looks at her with eyes wide and accepts it. Silence ensues between them.

L: If you could speak with him, what would you want to know?
K: Why I wasn't good enough? How he could treat me this way? Did he ever love me?
L: If he answers you, no matter the answers. Could you be satisfied with that?
K: I suppose.
L: Ok well I suppose that that will do for today. Give me a moment and I will walk you out.
K: Ok.

Kina walked to the waiting room while Larry went to talk with Dr. Lynn. When he opened the door, Dr. Lynn studied him for a moment.

Doc: How do you feel?
L: You're going to psychoanalyze me now?
Doc: No. I'm starting to feel like you can do this on your own. Like Kina and you can do this all on your own without this place.
L: What are you saying?
Doc: I'm saying good job.
L: Thanks...
Doc: Well it seems that Kina is waiting, you should go. *smiles*
L: *Hugs her and turns to go to Kina* You're the best!

Larry met Kina in the waiting room with a wide smile. Kina was cleaning her face with a napkin from the bathroom.

K: Still think this face is beautiful? *giggles*
L: Always. Well walk outside with me I have something to tell you.
K: What is it?
L: I have planned a date for us tonight. I'll text you the details when I leave. In the meantime, go to this address. A friend of mine will find you something nice to wear.
K: Why are you doing all of this?
L: To show you that you are worthy. Now go on. I have to get back in. I will see you later.
K: Fine. *giggles* I am going. See you later. I would kiss you but I remember where we are. *sarcasm*
L: Touché! A handshake will do fine.
K: *shakes hand* Ok ok I'm leaving now.

Larry shuts her car door and heads back inside to finish up for the day eager to get to their date.

A/N: Still with me you guys? Well it seems that there will be a part 3. How are we liking it? Vote and comment! I will also be working on a new chapter for SGT Bourgeois in the meantime. Until next time lovelies😘