He Heals Me

Chapter 21: Tomato Red Part II

Kina POV

I sat in the waiting room trying to focus on something other than the events of the previous night. I know when I see Larry that will be impossible. I check over my neglected social media pages when I hear my name.

Doc: Kina, follow me please.

I get up from my seat hesitantly. I follow her into the session room and have seen no sight of Larry. I become worried instantly. Dr. Lynn takes a seat in the chair that Larry usually occupies. It sets in that he may not be involved in today's session. My insides twist uncomfortably and I feel anxiety creep up my spine. Before I could even make it to my seat, I had to ask.

K: Dr. Lynn, where is Larry?
Doc: Please have a seat Kina.
K: I...where is he?

I feel thrown off. I can't help that my eyes have drifted to the floor and my eyes burn like I want to cry but I'm not sure why. I've been here with Dr.Lynn before. Why am I fidgeting with my fingers like a child?

Doc: Kina, please have a seat and take a breath. I am happy to explain the premise of today's changes.

I slowly continue to my seat and sit. I look up at her and find a soft smile on her face. Unfortunately, it brings me zero solace.

Doc: I have been made aware of last night. I believe that it's best that I take over today's session.
K: Will this be permanent? Is Larry in trouble? Did we do something wrong?
Doc: Calm down. What has happened is of no consequence? Larry is here in the observation room and he is not being removed. I would just like to participate in the activities today.

I let go of the breath that I didn't know I was holding. I took deep breaths until I felt my heart slow down. It almost hurt with how hard it had been hammering against my rib cage.

Doc: So how are you right now?
K: I'm better knowing that nothing is wrong. Just a little anxious.
Doc: Why anxious?
K: You're here and that's different from what I've grown accustomed to. I don't know what to expect.
Doc: I see. You're very much a creature of habit, aren't you?
K: I guess you could say that. It's easier to manage.
Doc: Have you had any major changes in your life recently?
K: Honestly, just Larry. He's been a major part of my progress.
Doc: I definitely could understand how you could say that. Well that's good. So today I'd like to talk to you about last night.

I screwed my face up and couldn't help it. I looked at her like she grew a second head and she seems completely unfazed.

K: What about it?
Doc: What prompted the sex?
K: There wasn't exactly a prompt. I just felt ready.
Doc: What made you feel ready?
K: I just...I don't know. I know now that I love him and I wanted to share that experience with him.
Doc: So it was completely emotionally driven?
K: What...I mean where are you going with this?
Doc: I'm just trying to understand.
K: I mean I guess you could say that my feelings for him lead me to want to do that. That's why people do that type of thing, right?
Doc: You seem unsure.
K: No. I'm sure about how I feel.
Doc: Of that I'm sure as well but what I don't understand is why someone with your background is willing to open up in that way. Why now? Is it just Larry?
K: Ok. I really don't like this line of questioning. I'm feeling judged and this isn't the place for that.
Doc: I'm evaluating. It's appropriate for the setting. I'd appreciate if you would answer the questions truthfully. So again, why did you make this decision outside of your feelings for Larry?

At this point, I felt small. It felt like growing up in a small town where everyone knows your business and wags their finger at you in shame no matter what decision you made. I felt my throat go dry. I looked at the observation room window. I hate that I couldn't see through it to where Larry was. I needed him. My cheeks were soon wet with slow falling tears. I'm still trying my best not to close up though. I don't want to let her shake me. I'm not a little leaf on a tree blowing in the wind anymore. I wipe my face and look into her eyes.