Frozen Heart*Eric/Divergent*

42. Cold Metal Grip

I don't think I will ever get used to the sound a gun makes the moment it fires. The kickback that always stops my heart for a few seconds and the feeling of the cold metal grip in my hand, its feel dangerously familiar on my warm, sweaty palm

How it makes me feel powerful but at the same time so small and powerless

It makes me wonder, how it'd be if the world wasn't as complicated as it is. If we weren't divided into factions based on just one aspect of our personalities, if we were actually free to explore every part of who we are, even the darkest parts of what our ancestors called "the human soul"

The dark and empty corridors I once used to feel so out of place in, felt like home that night, and the blissful silence those unending four walls offered me was undeniably serene and tranquil

As I walked down the familiar path to Max's office, gripping my handgun tightly, I couldn't help but wonder if it would even make a difference

It was already decided and there was nothing I could to stop it. Maybe I should've just run away from all that, from what would eventually happen

From the massacre that would take place in front of me

But I couldn't leave my friends behind, and I couldn't leave him either. God, I hated myself for not being able to get him off my mind. Oh how much I hated him... How much I also loved him,

As I reached the door that belonged to Max's office, all I needed was a deep and determined breath to forget all fear,

I was one of the few people who knew what the future held, and that weight felt heavy on my shoulders. I needed to do something, even if that something was as mad and unthinkable as pointing a gun at Max, my faction leader, my ultimate boss

I entered the dark office, quietly closed the door behind me and reached back to turn on the light but then decided on not doing so

I would catch him off guard and that would be better than having him point a gun at me

I sat on one of the two chairs across his desk and waited. It must have been about an hour until the door handle twisted and the door opened

"I don't suppose you told him anything about next week's meeting?"

He wasn't alone

The lights went on and Max walked in, followed by Eric. Once they both saw me, they stopped talking and just stared at me

"Saraphine? Did we have a meeting that I can't remember of?"

Anger took over me as he closed the door behind them and headed to his chair

That was the moment. I didn't care that Eric was there with him. I was going to do it

I started raising my gun up until Eric rushed to my side, roughly connecting both of my wrists in front of me in one of his hands

"Come with me,"

I shook my head, trying to free myself from his grip, only for him to grab the gun and put it behind his back, then turned back to Max "I told her-"

"Let go of me Eric, I mean it!" I exclaimed, pulling my hands back in a final attempt to make him let go of me

"What the hell is going on with you two?" Max glared in my direction

"I told her to meet me here. We need to go,"

My last chance of finishing what I started flew out the window as Eric dragged me out the door

He didn't talk or let go until we were two hallways away from the office

"Are you completely insane?" He muttered, looking back behind our shoulders

"Don't touch me," I spat

I pulled my hands away from his grasp and took a step back, glaring up at him

"Do you want to die?" he was angry

Taking a step forward, he tried to take my hand in his

I was even angrier

Angry enough to punch him on the stomach, making him groan out in pain and surprise

"Maybe I do," I reached behind his back, taking back my gun

As he straightened his form, his eyes went on my gun

"If you go back inside-"

"I hate you," I pointed the gun at him, my eyes starting to water

He stayed still, his eyes moving from my gun, up to my face

"I know," he whispered, "I know I don't deserve anything more than that-"

"Stop talking,"

"I love you, and I will protect you-"

I pressed the gun on his chest "You don't know what love is,"

With that, I dropped the gun down, turned my back at him, not knowing where I was headed