Frozen Heart*Eric/Divergent*

37. That's What Love Is

I rushed down the empty corridor, heading to Lisa's room

I knocked on the door and waited for the loud music to stop

Lisa appeared in front of me with a smile on her face

"Flower!" she exclaimed and opened the door so that I could walk in

"I did something terrible-"

Abbey was sitting on Lisa's bed, a bottle of something in her hands

"Sara, come and have fun with us and stop always having that damn frown on your face" Abbey gave me a wide grin and I sighed

Lisa sat on the bed next to Abbey and took the bottle from her hands

"Don't you guys have anything else to do, other than getting drunk like little kids on a Saturday night?"

"Well, Cris asked Abbey to be his girlfriend, so that's something to celebrate," Lisa said and I fully walked in, closing the door behind me

"Oh, well- congratulations," I said to Abbey and she raised an eyebrow

"Are you alright? What terrible thing did you do?"

I bit my lip and walked closer to the bed

"I never thought about it before and I never even considered the possibility that I could be, I mean I never once had been in a relationship before Eric and I-"

"Whoa- let me stop you right there," Lisa brought the bottle up to my face "You look like you need it"

I sighed and took a sip, letting the alcohol burn my throat

"What the hell is this?" I asked, giving it back to her

"Josh's self-made moonshine" she took a sip

"It's disgusting, that's what it is" I muttered and sat on the bed, taking the bottle back and took a sip

"So, explain. Slowly this time" Abbey said

I bit my lip "I sort of... Well, I... I kissed Dana"

Both girls looked at me wide eyed

"Dana, Dauntless Dana?"

"No, Erudite Dana, cause I see her every day in Erudite. Of course Dauntless Dana" I rolled my eyes

"But you're with Eric and she's with-"

"They broke up. I just wanted to make her feel a little better and next thing I know we're kissing"

"Well, she was indeed into you before she got in a relationship so no surprise there" Abbey said 

"You're losing the point" Lisa said "How long have you known?"

"Known what?"

"That you like girls too," She answered with a shrug of her shoulders 

"I never thought about it. I just, I just know that this wasn't right"

"Because you're with Eric"

"I don't want to do this to him, I don't wanna hurt him"

"Well, if it was just a kiss, I don't think it's that bad" Abbey said, making Lisa smack her on the shoulder

"Would you like it if Cris kissed somebody else?"

"Well, he wouldn't but that isn't the point-" Abbey stopped and turned to look at me "Are you planning on leaving Eric for Dana?"

"No. I care for her but Eric is- I love-"

I stopped talking and raised my eyebrows in unison

At that night, I got to find out not one, but two truths about me

Things that I probably had already known, but never actually admitted to myself or anyone

I loved Eric

Not that I really knew what love was supposed to feel like, not that I even knew if those feelings were real, but they felt real

"Were you just gonna say that you love Eric?" Abbey sat up, her eyes wide

"...I love being with him"

"Bullshit," she rolled her eyes, passing me the bottle that had made a full circle around us 

"I don't even know what love is" I chuckled and took a long sip of the drink before passing it to Lisa that had been silent since she heard my words

She took a sip of the drink and then passed the bottle to Abbey

With a sigh, she looked down at her hands 

"Whenever you two are together, that's all you need to feel complete, and when you're apart, all you can think about is him. You can't imagine your life without him, without him standing next to you. Not wanting or even being able to live without him, that's what love is" 

I looked at Abbey that was looking at Lisa and bit my lip

"Is that what you feel with Dave?"

Lisa nodded 

"Wow," Abbey muttered "She's head over heels for him" 

I chuckled "Always a romantic," 

"I should stop drinking," Lisa said with a laugh and Abbey nodded in agreement

"Yeah you should, cause if you continue like this, I'll be throwing up all over your bed in a bit" she started laughing and we joined in