The Smirking Jerk (Blake's POV)

Blake VS Kendall

You guys remember when I used to do my author's note at the beginning? When I would just rant about random stuff happening in my life and then give you a nice long chapter? Ah, those were the good days.

I was re-reading the last few chapters of I Sold Myself... today and I was reading all the hate comments about Kendall and all the hate comments about the way Blake dealt with the situation and a lot of you are right to think the way you do. It's true that you don't know everything and that you would want to blame Blake. If I were to re-write those last few chapters I would definitely change a few things. I always meant to give the explanation in Blake's POV, sort of, clearing things up a bit. I always have plans. XD But yeah, I was looking through my Smirking Jerk file and reading all those dialogues and future chapters planned and I thought how about I give you guys a tiny sneak peek? The way I did in I Sold... with the Tyler chapter and Alex and Lexi Breaking Up one and the Pick-Up Line Night one.

So this is what you're getting today. It's very short and it's mostly just dialogue, so basically, the first step in my writing process. I'll keep uploading this story normally, but I just wanted to give you guys this tiny insight. Also, it's mostly because when I was re-reading it I was thinking damn, that's some good fighting. XD

Now to keep up with the old ways, rant about my life. Well right now I'm at day 7 of the 17 days I have to work in a row. Basically the next time I will have time off, it's going to be to go to Wattcon. Hopefully I can survive until then. XD And let's see... something funny. Well, the other morning me and my brother were doing a scavenger hunt in Old-Quebec city (where we live) and my brother told me, "I haven't eaten carbs since noon yesterday," to which I answered "I have a granola bar in my bag, do you want it?" to which he answered in a slightly high pitch voice, "I can't eat carbs Kay! I have to fit in my prom dress! Think about my prom dress!" It's always about his damn prom dress. Something I've noticed, the only people on a diet or that count calories that I know are boys. Not girls. Way to shut down that stereotype.

I'm feeling nostalgic! XD And I'll leave you alone now.

Happy reading. <3

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"Well good riddance," Kendall said when I finally walked back inside the house.

I glared at her through my teary eyes. "I hate you," I said in my coldest voice.

"Excuse me?"

"How could you do this to me? How could you say that to her? How dare you?"

"How dare me? How dare her! After everything she's done to you!"

"She's never done anything to me! I did it all to myself because I never had the guts to really approach her. And now that I have you just fucked it all up?"

She scoffed. "I did? I think you did."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I yelled. "You know what, scratch that, I know exactly what is wrong with you. You can't bear to see me happy. I've felt it ever since you got here. I'm happy and you can't fucking stand it. Everyone around you has to be as miserable as you. You were always counting on me being as miserable as you and now that I'm not, you have to make sure I'll suffer again."

"Shut the fuck up Blake!"

"No, because you need to hear this. It's been seven years. He's been dead a lot longer than you've dated him. You should move the fuck on. But I know you won't. Because that's all you are now. A bitter girl that lost her childhood sweetheart. It's all you really want to be. You want everyone to look at you and feel bad for you. You love the attention and the sympathy that comes from telling everyone the love of your life died. You might love it more than you ever loved Jayden."

"How can you even say that to me? After everything between us. You loved me."

"I was never in love with you. Not even for a second. I have no idea why I even dated you. Maybe it was just me trying to screw over my brother for leaving me all alone by screwing his girlfriend. I did it because I was young and stupid and didn't know any better. I didn't even want to really date you, but after sleeping with you, it would have felt wrong not to. But we had sex once Kendall. Once and it was a mistake. So don't you fucking dare make our relationship into something it never was. You had no reason to mention us dating to Lexi, but you needed to do it to make sure she would assume the worst."

"Well you did have a girl in your room."

"Yeah, because you were sneaking in my bathroom to steal some of my headache medications right? And you found the note in the bottle telling you I wasn't your drug dealer? You know nothing happened. You know nothing would ever happen but you love the drama. That's all you have."

"How long have you been bottling all these feelings up?"

"Too long apparently."

"You thought, how's the best way to crush Kendall emotionally?"

"I'm just telling you what I should have told you sooner. Move on. From my brother. From me. Jayden never would have wanted any of this. He would have wanted us happy. Lexi makes me happy. You don't. You just stand there and you make sure that I'm constantly reminded of Jayden, you make sure I can't ever move past losing him."

"You should never move past him Blake."

"That's where you're wrong. I shouldn't forget him, but I shouldn't spend my whole life thinking about what could have been."

"You should be crying every single day of your stupid life because if you hadn't needed to go to that stupid exhibition then Jayden never would have needed to go meet you guys up at the restaurant close to the museum. We would have gone back to your place and we never would have gotten in that accident and he never would have died. Or maybe if you two hadn't had such a codependent relationship Jayden might have been okay with skipping dinner once. You should be miserable because you killed him."

"I didn't kill him. You killed him by making him waste time getting you out of that car. If he had just needed to get the driver out, he'd still be alive. If you hadn't needed to follow him around all the time he wouldn't have needed to get you out of the car. He would still be alive."

"Fuck you."

"Fuck you right back. If you want to play the blame game I'll gladly remind you of all your own faults."

"You're not really mad at me right now, you're mad at yourself. And at her. Because she doesn't care about you enough to trust you."

"Oh no, I'm a hundred percent mad at you. And I don't need to hear anything more from you." And with those words I walked out of the house again and ran.