This Winter

Chapter 5

Present

It's the 18th when I wake up in the dark hotel room. The heavy curtains block out all sun making me unsure of the time when my alarm wakes me. Contradicting the darkness, it is 7:00 a.m. according to my phone, and when I pull back the beige fabric, light emerges from the windows.

I have a full day to myself and rather than being cooped up in the hotel room for hours watching shitty day-time TV, I decide I might as well make the most out of this spontaneous trip. I decide I'll take the day to reacquaint myself with my home-town.

After a tasteless hotel breakfast and a quick cold shower I dress myself in a plain medium-wash jean and a grey t-shirt. It's a lot colder here in Indiana than what I am used to, so I break-out my black fleece coat and thrown in a pair of gloves in the pockets.

I don't really know where I am going, I just drive and drive on familiar roads passing familiar places. Soon I find myself driving on a road that I know exactly where it leads to. On the road I pass a few familiar classmate houses.

There's Amber's, a pretty brick home with blue shutters, Jamie's house and Matt's. I pass Jessica's home and can't help but remember the horrendous birthday party I attended of hers' back in eight grade.

As I drive through the residential homes I'm getting closer and closer, until I am there. I'm sitting in my car staring at the large brick building. I have the heat cranked to high as I take in the sight of literal 'hell'. Jefferson Middle School.

I think the average person can attest that middle school is one of the worst phases to go through in life. It's a time of hormones and... well, just hormones. Puberty makes everyone sweaty and hormonal, and not to mention the fact you have literally no idea who you are during that stage of life. I can't even count how many kids I know who went through a mini goth phase in middle school.

Through it all though I can't help but have a few good memories here, but the thought of who I was back then breaks me. I was still a young naive boy, a boy who had no idea the amount of pain I would suffer through down the road. Down the road.

With that thought in mind, I can't help but let my eyes wonder past the building to a larger brick building not too far in the distance. It sits there, almost looming over the smaller building, taunting.

I change the gear from park and drive to the building. Jefferson High.

Eighth Grade

It had been months after Jessica's famous party and Noah and I hadn't spoken a word about the closet encounter. I started to think that maybe nothing had happened, obviously nothing had happened to Noah. He acted strangely normal all through winter and spring. We still had normal sleepovers, complained about teachers, and roughed-house until his mom would yell at us.

I knew his parents were still pushing him hard, but he tried hard to not let it on. I could still see the effect they had on him. It looked like he had been slapped every time he got a 'C' or even 'B' on a test. I would watch his brows quirk, his teeth press down on soft lips, and his face pale as he stared at the graded paper and then a moment later he'd flip the paper over. His eyes would nervously look around as if someone was looking at him, judging him.

I felt that familiar pain every time I would catch him with that look. Noah was brilliant, but his parents made him feel like he needed to be more.

When spring came around, green slips were passed out to the elite students, I was excited. I wasn't excited because I got one, god no, I was excited for Noah.

The green slips were to notify a student that he or she were to get academic awards for their achievements through out middle school. I, being the average 'C' student, did not receive one. Noah, of course did. Judging by his performance in school, I knew he would receive multiple awards at the ceremony.

The ceremony was held on the last day of school. All eighth graders and a few of the selected students' parents were seated in the theater.

I walked into the auditorium with a cluster of students. It was chaotic as everyone took their seats, everyone trying to find a seat next to their friends. I searched frantically for Noah but frowned as he was sitting in the front next to the other exceeding students. I decided to just take the first seat I could find, figuring it didn't matter if I couldn't sit by him.

I sat down in an aisle seat near the middle of the the theater. Down the row I could see Noah's parents, sitting at the end of the aisle towards the front, opposite to me. Mrs. Anderson typing on her phone with manicured nails and Mr., staring blankly at the stage. They were dressed formally and sat straight as if a stick was shoved-up their asses, I wouldn't be surprise if that statement was true.

Before the lights dimmed, a familiar blonde with strangely hair turned around and waved. "Hi, Ethan!" I grimaced slightly at the black lipstick and leather jacket she wore. It was an unusual sight for a girl whose light hair almost blended with her skin. She smiled at me and her pink elastics were replaced with none other than, well black of course.

I waved back at Lindsey and watched as she turned around and started talking to a girl with purple hair and dressed head-to-toe with black as well. With a sigh I slid down into my seat and stared up at the lights as they dimmed.

That night Noah won multiple awards for many classes: Science, English, History, and Art. He also won the honors award and one for 'Highest Performing Student'. Every time his name was called I would stand on my chair and yell exceptionally loud for him. I'd watch him walk across the stage beaming with pride, but with a faint blush every time he would look out into the audience nervously.

Before he'd take his seat he would mouth at me to 'shut-up' or to 'knock it off'. I'd just laugh from across the room at him, liking to rile him up. With a huff he'd sit down but I knew he enjoyed my teasing and cheering.

Sometimes as he received his award I'd watch his eyes drift to his parents. His Dad would blatantly be on his phone, answering calls whenever Noah stood on the stage because the clapping drowned out his talking and he wouldn't be 'shushed' for interrupting the ceremony. His Mom would clap lightly, and nod at him appreciatively but it wasn't the same as the other mom's who would jump out of their chairs or snap a few pictures.

Whenever I saw those big blue eyes steal glances at them, I would clap louder. I'd shout, jump, do anything to bring his attention away from them. His smile would falter whenever he glance at them but quickly return as he watched me obnoxiously cheer.

After the ceremony, I spotted Noah next to his parents, him gushing about the awards he got and his mom just simply nodding. His dad looked annoyed, especially when a few teachers stopped them to congratulate Noah.

"This is a waste of my time," I caught him grumble to himself as I stood behind the tall man, unacknowledged. I don't think Noah quite caught what his father said and I wasn't about to tell him. I squeezed past the ill-tempered man and to what I came for.

"I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!" I yelled obnoxiously as I grabbed him and swung him around in a circle. I could hear him protesting in my ear, his breathe tickling my neck. "Ugh!" "Ethan!" "Let go, you moron!" I just laughed, placing him down as I watched him pretend to be angry at me but struggling to keep a grin off his goddamn, beautiful face.

His mom coughed, bringing my attention to her as she stared at me slightly disapproving. The moment felt awkward again and I watched as Noah looked at her from the corner of his eye, mood depleting.

"What all did you get?" I asked, trying to steal his attention back.

"It's nothing," He muttered, shoving his paper certificates behind his back.

"It's not nothing, Noah!" I told him truthfully. I threw my hands up, gesturing the emptiness of them, "Do you see this? Nothing, I didn't get a single award." He laughed slightly. "Now show me what you got!" I eagerly begged him.

"Okay, okay!" he chuckled, pulling his awards from behind his back and explaining every single one of them. Not that I needed to know, because I had recalled everyone of them, but I liked to see him brag, he didn't do it often.

That ceremony was one of the happiest moments I had witnessed of Noah. The both of us were so goddamn happy, unaware of what was awaiting, because then high school came and everything slowly started to fall apart.

What do you think happened in high school that's so bad?

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