This Winter

Chapter 37

Rocketman clip. I fucking love this song.

Senior Year

"I sent an email to Mckendree," I tell my mother as I pick at the counter.

"Really?" She questions as she stirs the spaghetti noodles on the stove.

"I thought I'd ask the coach more about the team."

"And what did they say?"

I shrug, still picking at the countertop, "That they want me to come to the field. Run a few drills. They have a camp for recruitment but they'd rather see me one on one."

"That's cool, Ethan. That means they really want you," she says proudly, but I just shrug.

"I don't want to get myself psyched out," I tell her and go back to picking at the counter.

"You're right, that's good- hey, stop that!" She scolds as her hand reaches to hit mine. "Don't ruin my counter!"

"Sorry," I mumble but with a little sarcasm in my voice. She gives me a stern look and then directs her attention to the stove.

"I think they'll want you, Ethan. I mean you only started freshman year, but I mean in a year you were great!" She smiles at me softly, "You make me so proud."

"Mom," I groan but she doesn't stop smiling.

"I'm serious!"

"Whatever," I say with an eye-roll, "Is the pasta done?"

"Just about. Go get the plates."

I slide off of the counter where my arms were leaning and find the plates in the cabinet behind her. "When's your surgery?"

"Thursday morning," She states.

"Shit. Okay," I sigh and set the plates beside her, near the stove.

"Language!"

"Sorry, I was just supposed to go to a play with Noah."

"Well you could still go," she assures as she strains the pasta over the sink. "I'll be done with the surgery by then."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's in the morning. By then I'll probably be asleep."

"Okay, maybe I will go then."

I tossed pasta in my bowl and a spoonful of sauce. Heading towards my room with said food in hand.

"Where are you going?"

"Homework," I mumble a fat lie and make my way to my room.

Normally I'd be eating in the kitchen, but I really wanted to call Ashley. I was still hesitant about the look she gave me the other day, though she seemed normal in lunch.

Sitting at my desk with my feet propped and pasta in hand I FaceTimed her. My phone was leaning on a stack of papers and books while it rang.

She answered the call after a moment, and through the screen I got a glimpse of her forehead and a ceiling. "Hold on," she informed me.

In the background I could hear someone laughing and calling her name, but the rest that came from her side of the phone was incoherent. It wasn't until she was behind a closed door I was meant with a static silence.

"Sorry about all that," she laughed as her face reddened.

"It's all good. What even was going on over there?"

She laughed and shyly tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, "My family is just um.. crazy." A moment passed and she shook her head in realization. "Why are you calling me?"

"Oh, I was just bored." Another lie.

"Oh," she laughed again, "Well I'm happy to entertain."

"So what's up with you?" I ask.

She lets out a breath and looks around her room for an answer, "Nothing really. Just ate dinner."

"What did you have?"

"Spaghetti and breadsticks," she tells me and I laugh, pulling my own bowl of pasta off my lap to show her.

"Same," I nod with a laugh.

"Are you excited about Prom coming up?" She asks.

Prom. I wasn't so sure if I was. Maybe I would be if I knew I could go with Noah. That I could pick him up, buy him a cute flower to put in his tuxedo, and slow dance with him.

"I don't think I'll go," I confine with a shake of the head.

"What?" She exclaims, "It's a once in a lifetime event!"

I shrug, "I don't have a date so.. it's kind of pointless."

"You and Noah could just go together," she reasons.

"That would look.. that would look gay," I say with a sigh. I played the scenario a million times in my head a way for Noah and I to sneak around going together. No matter what scenario, I knew his parents would find out.

"Why do you care what people think? Everyone close to you knows your just friends. Screw everyone else!" Just friends. I almost laugh. So obviously Ashley was a little less observant than I thought.

She was also incredibly wrong on downplaying the situation. I couldn't have given a fuck what people thought of me. I couldn't let Noah's future get jeopardize by me, that was the problem. I worried what his parents were capable of.

"It's just more fun as a couple," I shrug, but cringe inwards, "it wouldn't be that fun if I went with Noah." I wanted to tell Ashley truthfully that I was gay and in-love with Noah, but it wasn't my right to talk about Noah without his approval.

Maybe I'd ask him if we could tell Ashley.

"Well.. I could go with you," Ashley tells me, "And Stephanie could go with Noah. If he's not going with anyone." That could fucking work.

"That sounds fun actually. I'll have to ask Noah," I respond nonchalant, but in my head I'm already thinking of ways we could disappear and have time alone.

Maybe we could even hear the music in the bathroom and dance together.

"Really!" She says excitedly.

"Yeah," I tell her, "You know I'll call him right now."

"Okay, tell me what he says," she smiles and then wishes me goodbye, hanging up the phone.

Once she disconnects the call do I realize I can't call Noah. I'm not supposed to call him with everything that happened with his parents.

"This fucking sucks," I whisper to myself. I guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow morning.

I don't really know how I feel about this chapter. I just wanted to finish it though. I barely proofread it either.

Y'all go fucking watch ROCKETMAN , I cannot stress how beautiful that movie was. It's also a monumental point in history.  Both Elton John and the movie. We have the first gay singer to be this big, especially back then.

And then the movie shows a gay sex scene. Normalizing being gay further.

It's just such a beautiful movie. One of my favorites. I always loved Elton John's music, but this movie has made me respect him as a person!!!

Anyways,

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