This Winter

Chapter 45

Senior Year

The following week I finally go to school.

Noah is supposed to see me Tuesday morning while walking through the hallways. His face falters for a moment in shock before he conceals it. I pull the dark hoodie over my head more subconsciously out of fear of reactions.

"Ethan," he breaths out when he greets me next to a row of lockers.

I smile slightly at him. It's getting slightly easier as the days have gone on for me to put up a front, but the added stress of school makes me uneasy.

"Are you going to English?" He asks me even though he knows that's my first class. I nod my head at him but my eyes are frantically looking around the hallway to gage the response to my arrival. "I'll walk with you."

"Okay," I whisper. His hand grabs mine and his thumb rubs circles over my hand soothingly.

It honestly takes me awhile to notice and I would contemplate what it means but my mind is too concentrated on not throwing up.

Fuck. What is everyone thinking about me being here. What would I even think if a student's mother died and they haven't been in school for a week.

"Just get through this class," he tells me, "If it's too much then leave, we will try again tomorrow." I nod.

Mrs. Shaleigh pales when I walk into the room. She stops ruffling through her papers immediately and stares at me from across the room. A moment passes before she finally becomes self aware and her eyes flutter back to her desk.

I find my seat in the midst of desk and cast my eyes downwards, trying to shrink in the desk as much as I can for a guy like my size. Attempting to ignore the stares and whispers of classmates. It's as if everyone's scared of me or scared to do anything to upset me. The unwanted attention almost makes me nauseous.

When class begins and Mrs. Shaleigh's heels and wispy blonde hair directs my attention to the front of the class all I hope is for her not to say anything about me. Which she fulfills my hopes you could say, but her lingering glances towards me is enough to make me want to disappear.

Just get through this class.

Luckily I have enough self control for this. I don't take a single note or pay attention to a single thing spoken, but atleast it's a start I guess.

When class is over I wait for everyone to exit before me, as I slowly take my time gathering my things- knowing Noah will come to get me. As my eyes stare at the door waiting for him, Mrs. Shaleigh steps in front of me.

"Ethan?" she asks hesitantly.

"Yeah?" I question as my foot taps anxiously under the desk. Please don't bring it up.

"Coach Russ wants to talk to you," she explains, "He's in his office."

"Oh?" She nods her head slowly and then her smiles turns.

"Ethan.. I just want to say-"

Before she finishes I grab my bag abruptly. "I'll go see him," I tell her and leave before another word can be spoken.

***

Coach is in his office slumped in his chair and texting away on his small flip-phone when I enter the room. His eyes widen and he's quick to snap the phone shut and sit upright.

"Callaway!" He exclaims and then struggles to regain his composure. He rolls his chair closer to the metal desk, "Come in. Have a seat."

My grip on my backpack strap tightens and then releases as I set it on the ground and find a seat in a chair in front of him. "You wanted to see me?"

"Yes- yes... umm," his demeanor shifts to solemn, "I'm sorry about what happened-"

"It's okay, just umm.. what is this about," I cut him off.

"Oh right.. I'm not good at these things," he tells me with a scratch of his head, "But, umm... McKendree wants to evaluate you next week."

"Oh."

"I wanted to tell you sooner but, you know. Anyways, I know timing is shit, but this can be good for you. To focus on something," he breathes, "Things are tough right now, Ethan. Good can come out of this though. You've got a good shot at this school and I want you to follow through."

"I see."

"Promise me you'll go?"

My head is turned away from him and instead I stare out the doorway- watching students pass. Wondering what I would be doing right now had none of this happened.

"I need to get to class."

He lets out a sigh. Pain is evident in his face when he watches me collect my things, a wave of extortion behind the man's eyes. "Callaway," his voice is  a plea, a last breath of hope for me.

I wish I could tell him yes, but an empty promise is almost worse.

My phone vibrates in my front pocket- a reminder of Noah who I'm sure is the one desperately trying to contact me. I should've left him a message or something.

"Will you atleast talk to the counselors? The principal? They've been needing to speak-"

"I'm sorry, Coach. I need to leave." I can feel my chest starting to beat louder and my breaths are getting shallower the more he pesters me.

"Ethan!" He calls out for me once more but it's too late. I'm already out of his office and taking a sharp turn to the right. Finding my way to double doors that lead to the parking lot and escaping the building at once.

I collapse against the brick wall of the school, curling into a ball and breathing rapidly.

Memories of my mother and her final days take over my mind. A scream is caught in my throat and my eyes sting with tears. My breathing is rapid and I choke over my own inhales.

When the worst of this is over I'm able to pull my phone out of my pocket and  call Noah. I don't have the energy to press the sound to my ear, so a whisper of, "Parking lot," is all I'm able to achieve.

It's obviously enough for Noah to find me and pull me into his arms.

I rely on him too much.

Idk. I feel like my writing has gotten sloppy. I owe it to y'all though to finish this.

I have everything plotted out, it's just hard to write nowadays. I'll try and read more so maybe it will help me with my own writing.

Love y'all,

VOTE AND COMMENT! Xx