This Winter

Chapter 25

Senior Year

We are still laying in my bed an hour later. My hand combing through his locks as he stares at me with his blue eyes. Our legs tangled together under messy bedsheets.

"Do you think you could help me in Pre-cal?" I ask.

A crooked smile covers his face as he answers, "Yeah."

His smiles just screams 'I'm too smart for my own good'. Which is true being he took Pre-Cal junior year and is now taking full on Calculus.

"I feel like this may not be the best decision," he tells me honestly.

"Why?" I chuckle.

"You're going to get distracted," he points.

I scoff, "Me? Never" A playful look in my eyes.

"It's okay. I'll get distracted too."

"I need you to be the sane one," I whisper, tucking a curl behind his ear.

"I can't. You're corrupting me," he smiles back, his hand grasping mine before I can pull it away from his handsome face.

I'm lost in his ocean eyes for a moment. The two of us somewhere in our own world... that is until the front door opens.

Noah sits upright before the door even clicks shut. His face pale and hair disheveled as he displays a look of pure terror. In that moment I realize how scared he is of others knowing his sexuality.

In a panic he quickly dresses. I'm still laying on the bed trying to make sense of his erratic behavior. Until I finally gain my senses.

"Noah, it's okay. Calm down," I hush at him. Placing my hand on his arm as he struggles to button his jeans.

"She's going to get the wrong ideas," his voice waivers. Hands shaking slightly and fingers attempting to button.

"Noah. It will be okay," I promise to him. My hands gently remove his from his waist, letting my own button his pants. My dark eyes staring sternly in his bluer ones. "She'll be fine with it."

"Have you told her?"

"My mom knows I'm gay, Noah. She's okay with it." His head nods, attempting to process unheard of information.. unheard for him.

"Okay," he whispers. I run both hands through his curly locks, bringing him closer to me as I do so.

I place a kiss on his forehead and whisper back, "Okay?"

Leaning back to look at his face, a valorous look on his face as he feigns bravery, but there is fear lurking in his ocean eyes.

"I'll come up with something to tell her."

Running a hand over his soft cheeks I smile and then I leave the boy to greet my mother.

"Did you know the Walmart on Walker's street was out of blueberry bagels!" She huffed. Multiple grocery bags in hand as she struggled to shut the door behind her.

I laughed, grabbing a few bags to help her. "I had to get plain, so sorry"

The rustling of bags seize for a moment once placed on the counter. We're pulling out various items to shelf away when the sound of my bedroom door pauses her.

With the bananas still in hand her brown eyes meet mine with a questioning look. "Is Noah here?"

"Uh yeah. We were just... watching a movie."

"What movie," she chirps, resting the bananas in there rightful spot.

"Just um, a Marvel movie," I cough awkwardly. My mother's eyes narrow at mine, but the sound of the door clicking shut steals her attention- and mine.

"Hey Ms. M," the blue-eyed boy smiles tightly.

"Hey, Noah," my mom smiles dearly. He nods in return and his eyes drift to mine.

"Is the movie good?" She questions unaware.

"Yeah, it's uh good," he replies.

Like reading his mind I follow him back behind my door.

"Ethan, I- I think I want to tell your mom," he whispers.

"Really?"

He swallows, "You said she was okay right?"

"More than okay."

"Then, I don't want to keep things from her," he whispers, fingers playing with mine and eyes casted down.

"What's with all this confidence?"

"I don't know," he shrugs. His fingers sliding into my hands.

"I'm not pressuring, Noah?"

"No, I-I want to be better. It's hard to explain. I just think this will make me feel better."

"Yeah, that's great."

"And she won't be mad? You said she'll be okay?" He asks hesitantly.

"Yeah, it won't change anything, Noah," I tell him truthfully.

"Okay," he whispers and his hand grasps the knob.

***

We wait on the couch for quite a time, knees touching as my mom finishes preparing her bagel and salad.

I want to tell her that this is way more important than spreading cream cheese but I refrain.

When she's finally sat across us in the beige armchair with bagel in hand she's attentive. Though Noah sits beside me, struggling to open his mouth.

I place my hand on his knee reassuringly and I'm sure my mother is already connecting the dots. She's clever.

"Umm well I just. I just thought it would be good t-to um tell you. Because you're Ethan's mom and like a mom to me and.." his eyes don't meet her face, a red hue covering his paler features.

"I'm not following," my mother remarks, leaning forward in her chair and eyebrows furrowed. "Are you following?" She questions me. I shrug.

Noah takes a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly as he calms himself. "This uh. This is what I- we wanted to tell you," his hands interlace in mine to show my mother. From the corner of my eyes I see his teeth pressing hard into his soft lips.

Her dark eyes follow down to our hands and it's enough confirmation she needs.

"Oh? Oh! Umm," my mother's eyes are wide. She sets the bagel on the coffee table, detouring around the dark wood and engulfing him in a hug.

"I'm um.. gay?" He mutters hesitantly into her shoulder. I notice his eyes swelling with tears over blue fabric. "Thank you," he mumbles into her shirt.

"It doesn't change anything, Noah," she tells him, leaning back to look at his face.

I venture towards the kitchen to let them talk, afraid I'm intruding in a moment.

This is the first time he's ever came out and it's good. It's good for him. It's good for us. To feel comfortable as himself in my home. For me to be more open with my mom.

Though my mother says 'it doesn't change anything' it's a lie. It does change things, it brings them closer.

My coming out brought my mom and I closer and I begin to see it in them. It's as if he trusts my mother more than his own.

Really shitty update. I really don't know about this tbh. Not the best, but a milestone for Noah.

Sorry, my updates are going to be less frequent my life is hectic rn.

Guy update: that guy I talked about before turns out he isn't dating anyone, buttt we're just friends. Tbh, he has a lot going on and he sought me out as a friend. :) thanks @Riggles101 for the advice!

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