This Winter

Chapter 21

Pg-13 chapter

Junior Year

Fast-paced, frustration filled kisses turn to a slow hesitant pace.

I realize Noah is very inexperienced, making me wonder if he is in fact a virgin. I had always wondered if he had lost it to Savannah, but the hesitation in his touches makes me think otherwise.

My virginity is something I took for granted. Carelessly threw away to some redhead girl when I was too shit-faced drunk to comprehend.

Up until this point I've never felt true pleasure from any of my sexual acts.

It's not until my hands are grazing over pale skin do I feel utter bliss. Not until I'm listening to sounds that he desperately tries to suppress- biting down on pink lips. His face hot and eyes fluttering shut.

I'm straddling over his body, our shirts discarded somewhere in the heat of the night. Quietly rustling around on the bed, leaning to the left slightly to shift weight so the bed doesn't creak.

Through cotton sweatpants our hips rub together creating friction and causing Noah to whimper below me. His face is beyond red and eyes staring deeply into mine.

The intensity of our gaze, the intimacy, causes my stomach to do summersaults and my mind to cloud.

I memorize his body like it's a map. Breaking our lips every few times to lean back. Letting my hands skim over his ribs- watching him squirm beneath me. Curling fingers just underneath ribs and then leaning back into his face to reconnect our lips.

Our noses nudging each other before lips colliding. Our hips still moving in sync.

Eventually my fingers find the waist of his pants. Gently I run over the hem, testing the waters.

My head lowers to his ears- his curls tickling the side of my face. I whisper to his heated face, "Is this okay?"

He nods his head quickly and then his eyelids flutter shut when my hand lowers. I continue my movement.

When my hand starts to dip under his cotton sweatpants does his hand grab mine. His breath catches in his throat and I stop trailing kisses down his neck to meet his eyes.

"E-Ethan," he hushes. His fingers wrap around mine and pull them from underneath the material. "I'm sorry. I thought I was ready but-"

"It's okay Noah." I pull my hands from his and let them run through his curly hair. I sternly stare into his eyes when I reassure him, "It's okay."

His left hand releases from my hip and he palms his face and growls slightly in frustration. "It's just too much. I'm sorry."

"You're fine, Noah. This was more than enough." Taking my finger I tuck a slightly sweaty curl behind his ear. Taking a leap of faith I say, "We can continue this another time."

I'm holding my breath while I wait for a response. Watch as he process the words... and he smiles. His face reddens again and he bites playfully on his lip.

"Yeah," he whispers.

***

It's late and neither of us have drifted to sleep. My mind is running rampant- hindering me from sleep.

His head is laying on my chest while I run my hands through his thick locks.

I love him. I love him so fucking much that it hurts. It still hurts even while I lay beside him. I don't know if it will ever go away and I don't know if I want it to.