This Winter

Chapter 22

Senior Year

The weekend of the wedding was probably one of the most eventful days of my life.

The ceremony compiling of typical wedding stuff. Amelia and Frank sharing vows, participating in superstitious traditions, and finishing with a kiss.

My mom of course cried, commenting on how lovely their vows were.

Noah and I had received a momentarily break from watching Addie as she participated in the wedding, but soon after we were back on babysitting duty.

The three of us sat at a table during the reception- well four of you count my mother. She often ventured off to talk to the many other guests. I noticed how she continued to dodge the Anderson's.

Noah and I attempted to mask our attraction. Distancing our chairs and trying to avoid eye contact.

A girl our age had come to sit at our table, a friend of Frank's daughter who was invited.

She was kind and very friendly. Chatted politely to Addie and spoke happily about her boyfriend who was unable to attend.

During the midst of the conversation I excused myself to get a refreshment.

Touching Noah's shoulder gently as I went passed him I asked the table, "Does anyone want anything?"

A collective declines were heard and my eyes lowered to Noah's, "Are you sure?"

He smiled warmly, his dimple showing, "I'm good."

Locating the refreshments I detoured passed the alcohol and located the punch in a sparkling glass. Filling my cup with the ladle and eyes watching Noah laughing at Addie.

I smiled, eyes furrowing to the punch as I tried to wipe the lovesick look off my face.

"Thought you would've brought a date," a gruff voice spoke beside me.

I jumped at the figure to my left, dropping the ladle and causing the punch to splash lightly. The man none other than Kurtis Anderson.

I coughed, shaking my head 'no' and trying to focus on red punch. Out of habit my eyes flickered upward and I prayed he didn't catch it- he did.

"Shame. You were hoping to take him," he laughed bitterly- soaking in my pity. "Too bad he's talking to blondie over there... my boy's not a faggot like you." He chuckled again and I found myself clenching my jaw not to retaliate.

I was furious, and in a fit of rage I wanted to tell the man off. I wanted to tell him about my rendezvous with his son last night, but I bit my tongue.

Only trouble would come from the truth. Kurtis wasn't worth Noah's life, Noah's future. I had made a promise to not tell his parents, and I planned to keep it.

When Kurtis left, sparing a glance towards his son did I begin to panic.

I could take his shitty comments any day, but the fear when he looked towards his son worried me. I realized Kurtis was attempting to reassure himself- using comments to degrade me was him reassuring himself of his son.

He answered me, voice breaking towards the end, "How do you be a man?"

Suddenly did my world begin to clear. All of Noah's comments, him pushing me away, his fear last night.

Noah held some sort of internalized homophobia and I needed to take things slow with him. I needed to let him understand that his sexuality wasn't a sin.

I had to show him love, without letting his father know- his father who was on the brink of connecting dots.

***