This Winter

Chapter 31

Senior Year

"Why didn't you tell me?" Noah whispers into the phone late that night.

I expected to hear anger in his voice when he called before bed. I thought he would be upset or disappointed.. but only concerned laced in his voice.

"I don't know," I tell him truthfully.

"Ethan, I'm beyond proud of you. You- I l.." his voice cuts from the phone for a moment. I hear the faint sound of him shuffling around before he settles. "I'm proud of you Ethan," he finally speaks with a huskiness I'm not used to from him.

"I don't know if I want to play." Silence. My eyes wander to the desk where the file of schools lay under dirty clothes and papers.

"Why not?"

I sigh heavily into the phone and rearrange in my bed. "I like it here," I finally admit out loud.

"Ethan..."

I pull my blankets tightly to my neck, pressing the phone in speaker and laying it on the pillow beside my head.

"I just want to be close to you and my mom," I tell him truthfully.

My eyes drift to the bare window. Blinds pulled tightly to the upper window frame, letting the light of a street lamp glow through the window.

"What if I go away for school?" I hold my breath.

I haven't thought about that.

"I'm not. The furthest I'm going is three hours from here. I don't even have plans to visit schools far," he finally confesses and I'm able to breath again.

"Noah.. I-I want you in my life for like," I take a deep breath and say, "Forever."

I hear him take a shaky breath, almost feels like I can feel the warmth through the phone or vision his chest rattle.

"Ethan.."

It was a leap of faith, to say that. I feel my heart crashing loudly in my chest. I stare up at my ceiling, my legs tangling in sheets of grey.

"I want that too.." And in that moment I wish he was here, with me in this bed. God, I want to kiss him.

I love him so much.

"Is this a lot? To feel like this," his voice squeaks.

"I don't know, and I don't really care if it is. I like you a lot, Noah. I don't want this feeling to go away." Correction, I love Noah. Saying this over the phone for the first time to him, isn't the way I want this to go.. so I settle for like. Though it seems obvious my love for him.

"Goodnight, Ethan."

With one last whisper to my beautiful, curly haired boy, I hush through the phone, "Goodnight, Noah."

I hear the sound of him ending the call. I don't have the energy to put it on my nightstand. Instead I roll over to my side, letting my hand curl underneath my pillow.

A smile dances across my lips and I fall asleep with dreams of Noah and I.

Present

A low 'oof' comes from the lips of the person behind me. Hands grab at my abdomen and steady my once falling body.

I can tell from the size of hands around my stomach and the warmth radiating behind me that I certainly did not crash into a woman. I step forward, letting the large hands fall from my sides.

"Walking backwards isn't the smartest choice. Especially with this many guests.. and some weird vases that I'm going to assume are expensive."

I spin around quickly, my face still a little flushed. Brown hair and a silver nose ring glints in the light. Stephen is leaning casually against the doorframe.

He lets out a low whistle at the sight of my flushed face and sweaty forehead. "Damn, pretty boy. You ain't looking so hot, what's got you all frazzled."

"I don't know? Maybe the fact that this is a funeral and not some casual party," I reply a little more bitterly than intended.

His hands immediately fly up into defense and he quickly shoots me down, "Relax. I know it's a funeral.. I'm not that much of an asshole."

"Well.. good." I shrug my shoulders forward and readjust my stance, trying not to come off as an asshole myself.

"Kurtis and I never really got along, but I mean he wasn't a total jerk to me. I'm sorry for Donna though, so it's not like I'm totally okay with all of this," he candors without me asking and I nod along anyways.

"Do you know how Noah's doing?"

"Damn, after all these years your still worried about pretty, blue-eyes," he laughs.

I shrug, not quite sure what to say to that.

"He cried that first night. After that he's kind of been numb." His face looks pained for a moment and it's the first expression of remorse I've seen on him, but then it quickly dissipates, "You know, Noah's not seeing anyone."

I shake my head at his ridiculousness, but he doesn't seem to stop. "I tried to snag him up the first night I meant him in college, but he's more of the dating type. Not really my scenery.. friends were better fitting."

"Noted," I nod and attempt to breeze past him, but his hand grabs my arm.

"Look, I don't really have a filter. Normally Noah tells me to shut up," he laughs, "Its obvious you're looking for Noah. He's outside, I just talked to him." And with that his hand loosens from my arm.

I freeze for a moment. From the corner of my eye he smiles at me, a boyish smirk that I know doesn't nearly hold as much innocence as he portrays. Once he's out of sight I casually make my way to the door-

Ready to find Noah.

This is such a short chapter! I'm so sorry!!

I'm in this awkward phase of the book where I need to tie up some loose ends before we dive into some action!

Hopefully y'all stay with me!

Fun Question: Have Y'all watched the Foster's? If so, do you think Maia Mitchell is so pretty? Because I think I'm like in love with how cute she is!

VOTE AND COMMENT! Xx