This Winter

Chapter 47

Present

It's morning when I wake up. December 20th, the day after the funeral. White disheveled sheets cover my lower half as I stare up at the ceiling. I can hear the sound of soft breathing and the warmth of skin just barely caressing mine.

I tilt my head towards the right, just enough to get a glimpse of the other man laying on his stomach. Soft curls spread over the pillow as he grasps it tightly from underneath. His arm rubbing against mine with every breath.

A weird feeling pits at my stomach- something I've felt a long time ago with him. This longing, yearning to be with him forever and ever.

I can't help but think how wrong of a decision this was. Logically, I should have never drank myself to bed with margaritas. Logically, I should have never came to this town. And logically, I should have never looked into those gorgeous blue eyes.

But my heart doesn't think logically.

I have a whole life in Ohio and he has a life here in Indiana. But when his eyes open and a smile covers his pink lips- I can't help but think maybe I can still live a life with him in it.

"Hey," he smiles as sleep fills his voice. His dimple shows when his cheeks blush.

"Hey," I whisper back to him and watch as he stretches his arms out and groans. He's naked beside me and I become very aware when he turns over and sits up beside me. The sheets just barely cover and I try to conceal my lust by sitting up as well but I can't help my eyes from drifting downwards.

There's a lump in my throat and a burning in my cheeks. His eyes are drifting as well and I find myself awkwardly laughing. He can't help but laugh beside me as well. Two grown men laughing in bed at the sight of each others nudity and surfacing feelings.

"Do you want to get breakfast?" He asks as the tops of his ears turn pink and his cute little dimple appears.

It's become very apparent from the events of last night and this morning that Noah probably hasn't slept with anyone else, and I'm probably the only one he has been this intimate with. Though he's aged and matured he's ever so awkward as we dress. I can't fault him though because I match his behavior.

I may have had several hookups over the years with various guys but I've never been one to stay for the morning and eat breakfast together. I think the last time I've showed this much affection was with Noah years ago. This is all very awkward and cheesy but I can't keep the grin off my face.

We talk more over shitty hotel breakfast. I feel as if I've revealed my whole life to him over these past few days yet have more stories to tell and so does he. Sticky syrup dribbles down his chin when he laughs at a story of mine one drunken night in college and I can't help but reach across the table and wipe it off with my thumb after pressing it to my moistened lips. 

It's a small action that causes his eyes to flicker down to where my thumb just pressed. And when we're walking back up to my hotel room I watch his own thumb touch where mine once was. At the door of my room he leans against the hallway and sighs.

"When do you go back?" He whispers and the lightheartedness of breakfast dissipates.

"Tomorrow," I tell him, "I- I need to get back before the madness of the holidays start and visit everyone there." He nods his head slowly and follows me into the room, head hung.

"Yeah, yeah. I figured." He tries to reassure me or reassure himself that this is okay.

"Noah, it's not that-" His eyes are glossy when I turn to him, and my stomach drops.