This Winter

Chapter 46

Senior Year

Noah and I never officially ended things.

Our breakup didn't happen overnight either. It was more of a slow and agonizing journey where I was just dragging him along- dragging him down.

I never showed up to play for McKendree, I never even went to the school. Noah had applied to that school to be with me, but I never even filled out an application. I didn't fill out an application for any school.

I skipped school a lot up until graduation and wouldn't had graduated if it wasn't for my teachers who excused me and Noah who collected my work everyday to give to me. I would never do the assignments, but somehow I'd always get a grade and I knew he was doing them for me.

It felt selfish to do this to him. I was no longer putting any effort into us, him, or anything. He was the only one trying.

Prom came and went at some point, Ashley never asked me about it and I missed school so much I didn't even notice it happened. I hadn't even spoken to her since the night of the incident, she never called me either.

I did see her one last time though, before I moved to Ohio. The day of my graduation, which I did not attend despite Noah's wishes.

I was laying in my mother's bed, watching Shark Tank on her television and eating slightly burnt microwave popcorn. It was around 6 p.m. and the ceremony was three hours earlier. I knew Noah would probably come by later after he ate dinner with his family to check on me.

There was a knock on my door that I ignored at first. It persisted though and of annoyance I found myself stumbling to answer it.

Ashley stood outside my door. A silky dress over a white t-shirt and her hair curled as she smile hesitantly. Much more put together than me who stood in black boxers with a sweatshirt that had the hoodie tightly pulled over my head.

I felt lightheaded as the sun beamed from outside- I couldn't remember if I drank anything today. "You can come in," I suggested as my eyes wandered to her shaky hands that she clasped together.

"Oh umm yes," she mumbled as she took a few hesitant steps inside, "I asked Noah where you lived.. that's how I umm, got here."

"Okay?" I turned and walked towards the kitchen as she followed me. "Do you want anything to drink?"

"Oh, that's okay. I just wanted to see you. I- I thought you would be at graduation but you weren't."

"No, Noah's picking up my diploma for me. I told him I didn't want to go."

"Oh, I thought you would've because.." she trails off and her smile turns, "never mind."

"Umm.. why did you come here?" I question as I take a seat at the counter top.

"I just wanted to see you before you leave for college or whatever your plans are. I just haven't been able to talk to you since.. since that night and it felt wrong to just called. I wanted to talk in person."

"I'm not going to college or whatever," I tell her quietly.

"Oh."

"I haven't made any plans for anything."

"Oh, I just thought you were going to McKendree?" Her eyes are wide as she stares at me concerned.