This Winter

Chapter 42

Senior Year

One moment I'm watching Ashley's car drive off- hoping a friendship didn't just end before me. The next I'm running inside a hospital towards room 129. All it took was one call.

One call and my life has forever changed.

One call.

She's laying in the bed when I get there. Tears brim her eyes but she smiles dearly, as if everything is okay. And she lies to my face as well, "Everything is going to be okay."

I wish I could remember my last moments with her, but my memories are fogged with tears. All I can remember is the ache I feel in my heart, and the burning of my eyes.

It's funny how I remember the parking lot Ashley kissed me in so vividly, but my last moments with my mother is like a distant dream.

Her bladder had been mistakenly cut in surgery. The smallest incision caused toxins to release into the body.. eventually leading to her organs beginning to shutdown. Quite simple to catch really, very easy to repair a small cut in the bladder, but they did not notice.

They didn't notice.

Didn't think twice when she showed symptoms.

They weren't worried.

So my mother. My mother who worked in the same hospital who took her life. My mother would die.

I laid on her bed all night. Held her hand and kissed her cheek when tears started to spill from her eyes.

"It's going to be okay, Ethan." But it wasn't. It wasn't okay.

Her organs were already beginning to fail. The toxins had overcome her body and their was nothing to do to save her.

So we talked all night.

We bonded over memories. She told me stories of my father and how she would see him eventually. I didn't remember him, but she talked about him passionately. It was the first time she really spoke about him to me.

And she told me to love. To never stop loving. Never stop finding people to love.

I promised her I would.

The last thing I remember in that room was the sound of a long beep, that didn't pause. A flat line on the monitor and my mother's dark brown eyes closed shut- forever.

After that I stumbled around the hospital, lost. I was lost.

A blonde women sat at the front desk. I had seen her days before but couldn't remember her name.

She smiled at me softly, but her smile didn't reach the eyes. She looked away as quickly when my own eyes stared deeply at her. My pain was too much to bear.

A man by the name, Dr. Gonzalez passed by my in one of the hallways. His eyes spoke of regret and sorrow, and when they flickered to my balled fist he hesitated in fear.

I stared him down. So much anger behind my eyes and when my own fist lifted, I thought I would hit him. But a sadness overcame my body and I found that same fist dropping to my side- hopeless.

I found a seat against a pale wall, tucked in a corner. I sat down and crumbled into myself, staring down at my reflection in the white linoleum and willing my self not to cry. Attempting to clear my thoughts, because my tears not only blurred my vision but my mind.

What did I do now? What was I supposed to do?

I stayed in that chair for ages. Wondering how I would drive home in this state. How would I arrange a funeral by myself?

I didn't know how much time had passed before I saw familiar shoes reflecting against the linoleum. Finally lifted my head only to be greeted with Mr. Anderson.

I didn't know how he knew I was here. What he knew.

All I know is that he smiled at sadly. A softness to his stance and a gentleness when he spoke, "I'll take you home, Ethan."

I stared at him dumbfound. With red eyes and puffy lips I nodded my head slowly.

***

"She was a good women," he told me as he drove me to my house.

I nodded as my head leaned against the window and I stared out.

"You both didn't deserve this."

I took a harsh breath.

"I don't hate you, Ethan. I want you to know that," he breathed softly, "I've may have gone about things wrong. I have very different values than of you- but I don't hate you."

I didn't say anything.

"I just want what is best for my son," he takes a long pause and a heavy breath, "But you're in pain and I don't want to be the one to cause more."

I didn't understand him, but I didn't have the energy to question him. Instead I stared through the glass window and out to the burning sun that blinded my vision.

When he finally pulled up to my apartment, he let out another deep breath and looked over to me. His icy blue eyes almost resembled Noah's in that moment- probably the closes they would ever get.

"I won't keep Noah from you- for now," he tells me, "I think it's best you are with him." I can sense how much he wishes to take back those words. But he sticks with them. "I don't hate you, Ethan. And I am sorry for your loss." With that his head turns to the side and I suspect it's my time to exit.

I pull open the door to his blue truck and jump from the ledge to pavement. With one last look towards the man I resented all these years, I give him a curt nod- too exhausted to do more.

Kurtis Anderson.

The one I had hated the most- was the one I needed the most that day.

I'm not crying. You are.

Okay I hope this chapter makes sense... I tried to capture Ethan's frantic thoughts but piece them together. Idk how it worked out.

I only looked over the chapter once because I really wanted to give you guys something because I've been gone for awhile! Hopefully I didn't leave too many errors.

I wrote this after I was crying over CMBYN. I had never read that book or watched the movie. So last night I read it all instead of studying for psych and then watched the movie today. It's pretty great, excited for the alleged sequel.

VOTE AND COMMENT! Xx