The Journal

Chapter 12 : Lonely

Chapter 12

The next day...
    
Riker POV

I was kind of bummed out that it was Sunday because that means tomorrow is Monday, and I have to go back home tonight.

But it's ok because I feel like I slept really well last night, and I actually have energy today.

"Do you think we're going to get an A on the project?" I asked.

"I hope so."

"When do you think we'll find out?"

"I don't know. Hopefully this week."

"Do we have any days off coming up?"

"I don't think so... Not until Thanksgiving break. But..."

"But what?"

"Well... They're talking about a possible snowstorm later this week."

"Really!? But it's not even winter yet!"

"I know."

"I hope it snows. I love it."

"Good. So we have another thing that makes you happy. Tell me what you like about it."

"It looks pretty. And it makes me just want to curl up with blankets and hot chocolate. It's calming."

"Ok, so I've noticed that you seem to like things that make you feel calm. Like the treehouse. So we might be getting closer to making you feel better."

"If it snows, can we hang out?"

"Of course we can."

"And snuggle under blankets and drink hot chocolate?"

Kelsey laughed.

"Of course, Riker."

"I'm not funny!"

"You're cute."

She put her hand under my chin and looked at me.

"Cute?"

"Adorable."

I felt myself blushing.

"Aw," she said, running her fingers lightly over my cheek.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Almost 5:30. Why?"

"Are we going to have dinner before I have to go home?"

"Yeah. Hungry?"

"Yeah. Is there more pizza?"

"Yup."

We went to the kitchen and got pizza.

Later...

Riker POV

When I got home, I decided to take a shower. I didn't want to talk to my family. I just wanted to be alone.

As I was showering, I looked down at my arms. They looked awful. Maybe my face is cute, or things I say are cute, but my arms are definitely not cute.

After I was done, I got changed into some pjs, and crawled into bed. My journal still hasn't turned up. I'm still stressed, but also sort of relieved at the same time. If someone found it, they obviously haven't told anyone, so my secrets are safe.

I curled up in bed and grabbed my phone.

"I don't feel good," I texted to Kelsey.

"What's wrong?"

"Bad feelings came back again."

"Did you cut?"

"No."

"Do you want to?"

"Yeah."

"Don't, ok? We'll keep texting until you feel better."

"I kind of just want to go to bed, so if you don't hear from me, I fell asleep. So don't worry, ok?"

"Ok. Tell me about how you're feeling."

"Lonely, and sad, and empty."

"Ok, where are you right now?"

"In my bedroom, in bed."

"Do you share your room with one of your siblings?"

"Yeah, my brother."

"Is he in the room?"

"No, he's downstairs playing video games."

"Would you feel better, worse, or the same if he was in the room with you?"

"I don't really know."

"Well... Maybe you should experiment."

I put my phone under my pillow, and slowly got out of bed. I walked downstairs and went to the living room. Rocky, Ross, and Ryland were playing video games.

I slowly walked over to Rocky, and tapped on his shoulder.

"What, bro?"

"Could um... Could you possibly come upstairs with me? Please?"

"Um... Ok, I can come up after this level."

"Ok."

I walked back upstairs and got into bed to wait. And sure enough, less than 5 minutes later, Rocky came in.

"So... What did you want?" Rocky asked, starting to change into his pjs.

"I was just... I wanted company, I guess..." I mumbled.

"Oh... Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I just didn't want to be alone, that's all."

Rocky finished changing, and then sat down on the end of my bed.

"We haven't talked in a while. Like really talked. Is everything good?" Rocky asked.

"Yeah. I mean... yeah. I just wanted company. I guess I've just been a bit lonely."

"Oh... Well maybe you can hang out with us more."

"Ok," I said, smiling a little.

Rocky hugged me, and I hugged him back.

"Are you going to bed?" Rocky asked.

"Yeah, I think so. I'm super tired."

"How was your weekend?"

"Good."

"What's your friend's name?"

"Kelsey."

"Oooh..."

"What?"

"I didn't know you had a girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend. She's just a friend."

"Ok, maybe for now. Do you like her?"

"I... I'm going to bed," I said, laying down and pulling the covers over my head.

The lights went off, and I heard Rocky get into bed. And I fell asleep.