The Journal

Chapter 30 : The talk with dad

Chapter 30

2 days later...
   
Riker POV

Yesterday was exhausting. It was a long ride home and the seatbelt hurt my cuts. Dad was still being weird. And I just wanted to disappear.

I was in school right now, and I had just gotten to the cafeteria. Kelsey and I haven't really had time to talk today until now.

"So how was your weekend?" Kelsey asked, after I sat down next to her.

"Long... Tiring... Tough..."

"Did something happen?"

"Yeah..."

"What happened?"

"I cut... a lot..."

"Where?"

"All over my wrists, hips, and tummy."

"Aw, Riker..."

"I know! And Rocky told on me because he just wanted to help. So my whole family knows now."

"Are you... ok with that?"

"Well yeah, but not with my dad."

"Why not your dad?"

"Because he's being weird around me. And I told my mom, and she said she'd talk to him, but he's still weird!"

"How is he weird?"

"He won't look at me, or talk to me, or... acknowledge me..."

"Have you tried talking to him?"

"No... I just feel awkward and weird."

"I know, but maybe you should talk to him."

"Yeah, I guess. I'm just nervous."

"Why? He's your dad."

"I know, but I just don't want him to be mad at me. I'm scared he's mad because of my cutting."

"Aw... I'm sure everything will turn out fine. He probably just wants the best for you but doesn't know how to react to it."

She put her arm around me and lightly rubbed my back.

"You'll be fine," she said.

"I hope so."

Later...

Riker POV

I was becoming really anxious, waiting for dad to get home. I wanted to talk to him before dinner, but my nerves are starting to get to me.

Finally, I heard him come in the front door. I was in the living room since mom didn't want me in my bedroom.

Dad went to the kitchen. He usually talks to mom when he gets home. I slowly got up and walked into the kitchen.

"You ok, Riker?" Mom asked.

"Yeah."

"Are you sure? You look a bit pale."

"No, I'm ok. I just wanted to talk to dad. In the living room."

Dad looked at me, and I instantly felt my heart start to race. Here goes nothing.

Dad followed me into the living room. We sat down across the room from each other.

"What do you want to talk about, son?"

"It's just... I feel like you're treating me weirdly ever since the family meeting. And I know I'm setting a bad example for my siblings, and I'm sorry! But I didn't know what was happening or what to do!"

Tears started falling down my cheeks. I covered my eyes with my hands because I was embarrassed and ashamed.

I felt the couch sink down and then I was in someone's arms. I could tell by the smell of cologne that it was dad.

"Riker, I'm not mad or disappointed in you, if that's what you're so worried about. I just don't know how to help you yet and what I should or shouldn't say. I haven't been able to research depression until today because we didn't have internet at the cabin. I'm sorry if it seemed like I was acting weird."

"I'm sorry," I whimpered.

"It's ok, Riker. You're going to get better."

I buried my face in his chest and just cried. I'm so stressed out.

After a little while, I calmed down and just stayed in dad's arms, feeling absolutely exhausted.

"Kids! Dinner!" Mom called.

"Come on. It's dinnertime," dad said, lightly patting my back.

I sat up and wiped my cheeks off. Dad waited for me and then put his arm around me as we walked to the kitchen.

"How was school?" Mom asked.

My siblings took turns talking about their day. I just sat there quietly, eating my dinner. I just want to go to bed.

Later...

Riker POV

Mom wouldn't let me go to bed because it was still super early. Dad was in the living room with the rest of my siblings, watching them play video games. I curled up on the couch next to dad and leaned my head on his shoulder. He put his arm around me tightly.

And I decided to take a nap.