The Journal

Chapter 19 : "Sick"

Chapter 19

The next day...

Riker POV

I was so tired and I didn't do my homework last night. I just didn't want to go to school, so I told mom I didn't feel well. I don't miss school often, so she didn't really question me, and just let me stay home.

I went back to sleep for a little while and just stayed curled up in bed. Luckily, my cuts didn't open again, so I didn't wake up to bloody sheets.

"How are you feeling?" Mom asked, walking in.

"Not good."

"What's wrong?"

"My head and my tummy."

Both lies, but I don't care right now.

"Do you want any medicine?"

"No, I just want to rest."

"Ok, honey. Do you want anything to eat? It's about lunchtime and you missed breakfast."

"No, I'm not hungry."

"Ok. I'll check on you in a little while."

"Ok, mom."

She left, and I was alone again. I shut my eyes and curled up under my covers. I have no motivation to do anything right now.

Kelsey POV

I was honestly kind of worried about Riker. I didn't know why he wasn't at school. 

Is he sick? Or mad at me?

Or did he do something to himself?

I'm trying to hope for the best, but I'm worried.

I tried texting him last night, but he didn't answer me. I'm thinking he's just mad.

I guess he just needs time.

Later...

Riker POV

"Riker, it's time for dinner," mom said.

"Not hungry."

"You still don't feel good?"

"No."

"Honey, you haven't eaten all day."

"I don't want anything. I don't feel good."

"Honey, I know you don't feel good, but you might feel better if you eat."

"Can I eat later?"

"Fine. I'll be back to check on you."

"Ok."

Mom left. I felt fine, but I had no appetite. I haven't felt hungry all day, and I haven't wanted to move all day. I just want to curl up and disappear. I feel miserable.

It's like all the bad feelings came back, but 10 times worse. 

I've literally just been hiding under the covers all day. 

I kind of want to cut more, but my wrists are already all cut up, and it didn't make me feel better when I tried it last night. So I guess I'm not going to. But I just want to feel better! I don't know what to do...

I wrapped my arms around my pillow, hoping it could help comfort me, but it wasn't working.

Later...

Riker POV

I started to cry a little bit. I buried my face in my pillow so nobody could see me crying if they came up here.

"Riker."

My breath caught in my throat, and I almost started choking.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

Mom put her hand on my shoulder and made me turn over on my back. She sat down on the edge of my bed and started wiping my tears.

"What's wrong, honey?"

"I just don't feel well."

"Do you want medicine?"

"No."

"Why? You're crying."

"I just want to lay here."

"Can you try eating some dinner for me?"

"I don't want to."

"I know, Riker. But you haven't eaten all day. Come downstairs, please."

She took my hand and made me come downstairs. Nobody was eating dinner anymore. 

I sat down at the table alone. Mom put a plate of mac and cheese in front of me. And then she sat down across from me.

I started eating because I know she's going to make me sit here until I eat. But I still felt miserable.

"How are you feeling now?" Mom asked.

"Not good."

"How about you go take a shower and get ready for bed, and I'll come check on you?"

"Ok..."

I went upstairs to my room and got a change of clothes. And then I went to the bathroom to go shower.

I turned the shower on and got undressed. I looked at my wrists. Both of them were bruised up from cutting so much. And one of them was bruised more than the other because of last night. 

When I stepped into the shower, my wrists burned in pain. I turned the water temperature slightly colder to try to ease the pain a bit. My wrists are just super sore and tender.

I washed my hair and body and then got dressed in my pjs. And then I went to my bedroom. Rocky was downstairs, so I was all alone, and I still felt miserable.

Mom came up after a little while and sat down on the edge of my bed.

"How are you feeling now?"

"The same."

"Do you want any medicine?"

"No."

"Honey, if you don't feel good, why don't you want any medicine?"

"Because I just don't. I want to rest."

"Are you going to go to bed early?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yes, mom."

She pulled me into a hug.

"Ok. Goodnight, honey."

"Night, mom..."

I laid down and she turned the light off for me. I curled up under the covers and went to bed.