The Journal

Chapter 32 : Better?

Chapter 32    

A few days later...

Kelsey POV

I was over Riker's house right now. He's been acting kind of weird all day. I can't tell if it's a good weird or a bad weird.

"I want you to read something," Riker said, standing up.

I was sitting on his bed, and we'd been talking for a little while.

"Ok. What do you want me to read?"

Riker opened one of his dresser drawers and handed me his journal.

"Go to the last page I wrote on and read it."

I flipped through it until I found the last page he'd written on.

Dear Diary,

This week has been rough, but I haven't cut. My biggest motivation is that I just want to get better. Not because I don't want to get in trouble for cutting. I want to get better for me. Not because everyone else wants me to. But because I want to. And I think that's important.

I've been researching depression a little bit. And I've learned to not focus on the bad things. That just makes things worse. I need to focus on the positive.

If I have a bad day, I need to realize that it's just a bad day, and tomorrow will most likely be better. 

I don't know if getting enough sleep, exercise, and eating healthy is really changing anything. But I think my change of mindset is helping.

I might still feel depressed, but I feel more positive than I did before. And I talked to mom last night about maybe going to therapy. I feel weird about talking to someone I don't know. But I thought maybe I could just let them read my journal so I wouldn't actually have to say everything and feel weird. And then maybe when I get more comfortable, I won't have to make them read my journal anymore. I mean, I'll still talk in the beginning, but I think they'll get to know more from my journal than they will from me. I think I'll just feel awkward at first.

So mom said she would look for a therapist, and we could try it.

I'm slightly nervous, but kind of happy about it. Changing my mindset is really helping me, so maybe a therapist can help even more.

I need to go to bed because it's almost 10:00.

-R

I shut his diary and looked at him.

"What do you think?" Riker asked.

"About you going to therapy?"

"Yeah."

I shrugged my shoulders.

"I don't know. If you want to, then I think it's a good idea. Is this why you've been weird all day?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I just didn't know if you would think it was weird that your boyfriend needed a therapist."

"Riker, I don't care. Whatever you need to feel better is fine with me."

"Really?"

"Really. Even if you end up going on medication. I don't care. I just want you to be happy."

He smiled.

"Ok," he said, pulling me into a hug.

Later...