Heal [a Zarry story]

Chapter 5

[Edited]

-Zayn-

I woke up tightly hugging a pillow, with my teeth sunk into my bottom lip. I coughed, the hollow sound frightening me a little. Sitting up and rubbing my forehead, I saw a note on the coffee table surrounded by cigarette butts, and...other objects I'd tossed there in the past. I picked it up, squinting to read the writing.

       

           Zayn,

                    I had to go back home to Louis because he was worried, I'll be back at 10 and we'll talk

                             -Harry

We'll talk? What did he mean we'll talk?

I was done talking, and done playing the role of the depressed lunatic. I got up, shuffling to the kitchen and got a black trash bag from the cabinet under the sink. I didn't let my hands linger under there for long out of fear of getting bitten....or pulled in.

I started walking through my flat, collecting what clothes I could find and stuffing them into the bag.

After that, I did the same with another bag, but collected trash. It took my last two trash bags to get all of it, but I did.

I put the bags by the door, and stared at them wondering how in the world I let myself get so filthy and...far gone.

The place definitely needed more cleaning, but it was already 9:34am, and Harry would be back soon. If he saw me cleaning, he'd try to make an event of it, and want to help.

I didn't want that.

I walked to the toilet, stopping and looking at myself in the cracked and painted mirror.

One of the worst feelings, is when you look in the mirror and you don't recognise yourself.

I hadn't looked in a mirror in almost a year.

I looked to the shower, getting that heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I reminded myself that showering here would be a big step towards moving on, and I needed to do this.

Memories came rushing back to me at the sound of the water running.

Mainly the memory of the morning Liam left and never came back.

I took a deep breath, ignoring the tightening in my chest and started pulling my clothes off. I stepped into the shower, stifling a scream at the feeling of the water seeping into my cuts and pelting my burns.

It was my fault though, I shouldn't have done those things to myself.

I used Liam's soap, and although the pain was almost unbearable, the smell brought a small smile to my lips.

After a rather painful shower, I got out and carefully dried myself off, losing the heavy feeling in my stomach.

I luckily found clean boxers and a clean pair of black skinny jeans. I made sure to put socks on my feet, but I didn't bother with a shirt.

Going back into the toilet, I found my jar of hair wax collecting dust on the counter. I blew it off, opening it and starting to style my hair.

This was another thing I hadn't done in almost a year.

"Zayn?" Harry asked.

I flinched, looking at him and wondering when the hell he walked up without me hearing or noticing.

However, I did notice the way he was looking at me, and suddenly got a new feeling in my stomach.

This time, it was more like bubbles than an anvil.