The single dad || phan

56

Jake's POV

We didn't talk about what happened with me. Lucy never spoke about it. I never spoke about it. Dylan never spoke about it. Brandon never spoke about it. Dan never spoke about it. Phil tried to talk about it you know still being my therapist but stopped once I made it clear I most certainly did not want to talk about it.

Lucy had a hospital appointment booked for the baby. Because none of us knew what the fuck we were actually doing. Also we needed to register the baby so when Lucy came to giving birth we could actually birth it in a hospital and give it a birth certificate.

At times I feel like I can't be a good dad because my dad wasn't really a dad. More like a hammer and I was a nail.

I HEARD THAT! DON'T FORGET I WILL FIND YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND I WILL HURT THEM

oh fuck off. You can't control me you are in my head. And in prison.

I GET LET OUT SOON SON. YOU CAN'T GET RID OF ME THAT EASILY.

leave me alone please!

YOU KNOW WHAT I WILL DO TO YOU ALL

I won't let you hurt my family. Murder me if you must but you won't lay a finger on them.

I WILL-

oh just fuck off

Lucy was in my arms.

"I love you so much Lucy" I felt her smile into me.

I heard a mumbled noise which I assumed said I love you too.

"You won't leave me right?" I asked. She pulled away slightly to look at me.

"Why would I leave you?"

"I don't know... it's just... okay you know that breakdown I had?"

"Yeah, Wait was that because of me ? I'm so sorry!"

"No I promise you it's not okay" I smiled.

"Okay then... what was you gonna say?"

I took a deep breath. I had never told anyone but Phil about this. Like ever. "Okay so... don't freak out or anything but do you know what schizophrenia is?"

She nodded. "Do you..."

"Have it? Yeah"

"What's it like? You know? Having it?" She questioned. "You don't have to tell me though... if you don't want"

She doesn't want to know she's just being polite

Yeah don't tell her

"Well most the time I can control it and it doesn't bother me much but other times it's really overwhelming and the mental breakdown happens. Depending on what they decide to tell me, they are the voices by the way, depends on if I'm violent or not. Though I've only ever been violent once"

"Oh okay well what does it you know... sound like"

"Urm so imagine that you are in a room full of people and they are all surrounding you and telling at you, it's not like that all the time, sometimes it's just like hanging out with people you hate, well it is for me anyway, oh and my dad is now one after he got locked up. He's the worst of them all to be honest"

"Why what does it say?"

YOU DARE TELL HER AND I WILL SLIT YOUR THROAT AND YOU WILL DIE THIS TIME I PROMISE

you can't do anything to me fuck off

"Basically tell me he's gonna kill me, you, the baby, your family and my friends"

"Why? Like is there a reason?"

" I think it's because it's the thing I want to happen the least"

"That's fair enough" she smiled at me, "I'm proud of you"

"For what?" I puzzled.

" telling me, it mustn't have been easy for you"

"Well yeah, it wasn't really but do you wanna go get some food?"

" Yeah, sure... But I can't have a lot of things. Oh god! I can't have sushi anymore... Noooooooo" I laughed at her. She was adorable. She was a lunatic but she was my lunatic. And hopefully I got to live the rest of my life with her.