The single dad || phan

42

Dan's POV

I know what they are all thinking. Thinking I'm not good for the job anymore because I couldn't deal with the bleed very well. Because I let the emotions overwhelm me, something I had tried to teach Phil over the years to prevent the passing out thing.

I knew I had to be brave for him but I'm scared. Scared for his future... Our future and scared about the person who stabbed him and hit him over the head. What if he came back? What if he got Lucy? What if they come back to finish the job?

Phil was crying. I couldn't help no matter how hard I tried. Eventually, though, he did pass out. The emotions of it all.

I was still trying to comprehend what happened.

So was the police. When Phil woke up again the police interviewed him about what had happened.

He knew who it was. It was Chris. I hated that prick. I hated him even more now. Why did he do it? He used to love him so why? Why not stab me? I stole him off him. Or so he said. I rejected him when he kissed me. It should have been me. Phil didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve any of the shit that has happened in his life.

I didn't deserve him. He was such a good person. He has never done wrong in his life. But somehow all of the bad stuff happens to him. Every single thing that happened was just another heavy weight crushing him more and more. I had tried so hard to help him with the weight of it all and he says I have but I feel like I could have helped him so much more. I can see the struggle in his eyes day to day. I see the fear every time he hears a noise or when he is left to his thoughts. His charity helps him a lot and I can see that but it also reminds him of what he went through every day. I can't begin to imagine what he went through for so many years of abuse and so many years living on the streets. Every time I see him look in the mirror when he doesn't know I'm watching he seems upset or angry. Like he hates himself. Like he hates himself for doing something horrible. He looks at himself like he is afraid. I don't know what of. Maybe he sees his dad inside him. Maybe he has PTSD because of one of the things that have happened. I don't know.

Phil was asleep now but he was sweating. He needed rest but he looked terrified. Should I wake him? No. He needs to sleep. It happens a lot. He should be fine. He would be fine. He would live his life how he wants to, no matter what I have to do to give him that. I promise.

I promise.

I promise.

I prom-