1. An Implication (Poetry)

-Fifty Three-

Toppling One By One:

I have lost 

So many people

In the span of two years

People who knew the darkest parts of me 

People who had been there when I couldn't

See straight

When they were prepared 

To see for me

And now I cannot tell

After all,

If I hate them.

Or if I hate myself more. 

~J.K.M

Oh How They Claim:

Oh how they claim to love you

The people they chant 

Lies and facades so see through 

That I hear nothing but white noise

In a room of people.

How fitting 

For one so fake 

The plastic built up in this place

Try as I might

Move five hours,

Keep up the fight

Against the people who still make you cower 

Who backed you into corners in the school yard

Who made you hate every inch, every blade of grass 

I will feel like I never belong

Most of all in this place

No matter how I lie about the smile stretched wide on my face

I hate these people

Even the ones who have done nothing wrong

I hate this building and it's crumbling foundations 

Because kindergarten started me off in the ground

Primary school made me hate myself

And high school broke me without even so much as a sound

Try as I might 

To hide behind my complacent smile

My nonchalance and my fakery

Perhaps I am one of the fakes now myself

Because on the inside I am cowering

I am afraid

I am sick of going home after a long school down

To close my bedroom door quietly behind myself

And to sit down and cry

Surely this is damaged karma

This is punishment for being such a piece of shit myself 

As if being the bully and not the bull-ee ensured that I could not

Be hated for simply existing

If I was the hate-ee

But what I want to ask the god in the sky who has never once

Helped me out

Why did this retribution start

Before I had done anything wrong

God fucking damn it I was eleven 

And the only time I could feel

Was when I was severing 

Tender, youthful flesh 

That to this day haunts my bare skin

I cannot look at myself in the mirror before I shower

I cannot look back anymore.

I cannot keep hating like this. 

Because of the educational institutions,

The places kids are supposed to feel the safest 

Sometimes felt worse than being at home

Where dad hit mum and mum threw books

Now that's fucking saying something. 

~J.K.M