1. An Implication (Poetry)

.Finale.

To My Soul:

Through the flames, through the hell, through the ground out excerpts of the shaking mound the pieces that held us together and the pieces that fell, I hope I find my peace. I hope we found our rectitude. On my knees, weak and feeble bleeding, hollow skin ready to be reborn, ligaments torn I will constrict this fleshy prison into whatever form suits. Into a form that performs cleansing, until I can stop holding on to my sins with both hands grappling at a ripping rope, there will be an extinction of my toxicity, there will be a light of hope. There will be forgiveness and there will be a farewell, to the darkest reaches of my gut, to the demons that hang in the ruts, dangling in overhead beams, swinging inside my head from ear to ear but monsters be gone, banished form this new temple within. And not all things can be forgiven, not all things can be renewed in the eyes of some and that I understand, humbled and hand over hand I will accept the past as it lays bare the crumpled pieces of my soul I am desperately trying to iron out, I will continue to screech and shout until my throat is hoarse and my teeth have shattered against the edge of the other world, I will apologise for the person I have been. But I will not pity the form that was once here, I will not revel in my shame. Or guilt. I will simply breathe. There are many truths I can tell and there are still lies and secrets that we as humans have such a hard time letting fall but I will never end this upward battle with gritty hands, trying to fight for a moral compass that reaches towards the highest point. Body be humble, mind be still, eyes be clear, soul recognise the lessons, the learning in my sin. I will be a better person, this I promise you now. I will be a better friend. A better sister. A better daughter. No matter the pain, no matter the hell, no matter how bad other people have been. Our dignities falling to the ground, shattering underneath following the weight of my knees. I will allow my kneecaps to shatter once more, just this time, to reach the other within. The person I should have been. The kindness. The forgiveness. The calm in the metal tin that was my heart beating against a metal tomb it was never meant to live in. 

Never again believe in the serpents of my darkness, the quick fire hardened, rapid venom that drips from my tongue when the toxicity cannot be fought. It will not return. It will surrender to the truth, the master and the key, the overhanging sky beckoning me to reach. The coolest breathe against burnt skin, scars echoing every drop of poison once let in. 

I love you all, The people who have reached towards my hands thus far even when they were undeserving. Even when my cold hands were glued to nothing but sharpened knifes. I am grateful to those who have found the warmth in the burning house fire of my soul and inspire me to tame the raging inferno to something warm. To the friends I adore so, the family I've made in my own home. The other side glows ever so, softly and bright, inspired a spark of emotion. The ill will seeping from a festering wound I refuse to let infect the rest, a festering wound I wrap now with strengthen hands. I will not let blood unless the flow brings release, the most honourable kind. 

I will be what humans, what I as a soul was destined to be. A better person. A calm body, a stable soul, a sturdy structure within four walls. 

This is my finale. My ending to the darker parts of me. I shall not return. And if the urges rush back, they will be fought. With trepidation of the most holy kind, a war implored always by human kinds and the demons they once adored. I will tame the beasts, their eyes shallow and their hearts hungry, snapping teeth, waiting to back me to the wall. I will dance with them. I will lead. I will rise, ethereal and whole as a being. I will be better. I will do better. 

I have found me. 

To the world, I am sorry. I have sinned. I will change. To the people I have hurt most over my years, I will apologise until my heart seeps only the most pure forms of love. I will change. To the people who have done me wrong, I forgive you for i myself have been a being of venom. But there are a few things only a God could forgive. I will never again be like you. I will change.

To my soul, I thank you for nurturing me until now. I will give back the same love I received, even when I did not deserve.