Don't be afraid

Chapter 1

I'm here to check up on you.

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I felt like I was on a roundabout, that was never to stop spinning.

I knew I shouldn't of came out tonight, it's not good for me to drink so much, people say I've got drinking problems,but them problems I have are not drinking problems, they are all different kinds of problems emerged together which the only cure I have for them is to drink.

I admit I've been trying to stop,but nothing has been working.

"Come on guys party's over, go home" Maddie shouted to everyone, in the drunken state of hers.

People already started to go home about an hour ago, but most people, like me was still here drinking.

I downed my last shot and decided to go and visit my sisters grave.

I missed her so so much.

No one knew just how much I missed her though, they never would.

I'm not good with expressing my feelings so instead the drinking expresses them for me.

And makes me do things I probably wouldn't do if I was completely sober, as we can all tell, that right now, I definitely am not sober at all.

Since my sister died I felt lonely, when I wasn't, I had many people there for me, but I still felt lonely without my Vanessa.

I felt guilt, even though what happened wasn't my fault, I still come to terms that in a way it was, that maybe just maybe if I drove in my car instead of having Shane drive his car with all five of us in, that maybe she would still be here today.

But she insisted that we go with Shane, one of my bestfriends, who she had actually become close friends with through me.

Unfortunately the car had a fault, that non of us knew about,and went off the road and crashed.

She was the only one who died out of the five of us.

Maddie,Lance,Shane and I, the ones who survived.

She didn't deserve to die, it wasn't her time.

But it's never anyone's time to die.

We were all in bad ways but because of the way her head went through the sharp fragment glass, it tore her head, bleeding and bleeding continuously.

She lost three pints of blood that night, and unfortunately wasn't strong enough to hold tight.

I knew she should of went in my car with me, and non of this wouldn't of happened.

She wouldn't be gone.

If she went in my car, Vanessa would still be with us today.

She was two years younger than me, a beautiful girl, with a humongous heart.

Snapping me from my thoughts of my sister, Maddie patted me on the shoulder to snap me out of them.

"Hey, you okay? You wanna stay the night?" She asks with concern.

Maddie is my bestfriend, she always has been since we was little.

"Uhm.. No I'll be okay" I said with a squeak in my voice because of the lump in my throat of thinking about my sister, as per usual.

"I know it's hard bab, I understand. She was like a younger sister to me, and I find myself balling over her at night a hell of a lot, so I can only imagine how you feel but, just know that I'm here if anything, I'm always here, whenever wherever, even if it's just a phone call away or anything. Know that I'm always here for you no matter what. You can always rely on me, your bestfriend, as I know that I can rely on you, my bestfriend." She embraced me into a hug and it wasn't until then that I realised that there was no one in the apartment except for me, and Maddie.