Life with Demi Lovato

Chapter Seven

'Mar, this is Nat!' Demi said excitedly.

'Hey kid' Marisa said with a smile.. A really big smile.

I slightly smiled and waved causing Marisa and Demi to both laugh.

'You don't have to be scared! I don't bite!' Marisa said with a chuckle.

Well this is just fucking awkward. What am I supposed to say? I'm standing in front of my idol and her best friend.

~~~

Dianna, Dallas, Eddie, Madison, Demi, Marisa and myself were all sitting around Demi's big dinning room table eating dinner.

Well no, everyone else was eating. I was just playing with my food.

Me?

Eat?

Fuck off.

'You gonna eat that?' Marisa whispered to me.

I stayed silent and shook my head and whispered 'I'm not really hungry. Meeting everyone in one go was a little stressful. If I eat I'll probably through up' I joked but I was serious about the last part.

I would through up; just not because I'm stressed.

Marisa gave me an understanding smile and whispered something to Demi.

Everyone was having their own conversations causing them to be oblivious to the whispered being shared between Demi and Marisa.

It was almost midnight when everyone finally left. I spent most the night with Marisa.. I was extremely intimidated by everyone, even Madison. I don't think she liked me very much and that isn't because my voices told me. From the moment Demi said she had adopted me, Madison ignored me. Dallas seemed nice but I really prefer Marisa.

Marisa and I got really close.

'Nat?' I head Marisa ask just as I had got into bed.

'Yeah?' I asked.

'Can I talk to you about something?'

Oh oh.. Demi's family must have already told Demi to send me back. She probably didn't want to break the news to me herself so she sent Marisa.

'It's fine. I understand. I'll pack my things now' I said holding back my tears.

I didn't think I was that bad. I didn't think Demi would send me back after just two days.

'What?' She asked confused.

'Marisa, it's ok. I understand. I'm a burden and Dianna and everyone made Demi realise that. I'm more than happy to go back to the care home. It's where I belong'

At this time I was in tears. Why did I even care? I knew it would happen.

'What? Baby no! Demi isn't sending you back! I just wanted to ask you why didn't eat anything all day'

Marisa rushed to my bed and threw her arms around me.

I felt safe.

I was relieved when she said I wasn't being sent back but I was also feeling confronted.

Marisa was right, I didn't eat breakfast nor lunch and I didn't eat any dinner.

In fact, I haven't eaten anything whist being with Demi.

'Nat.. Do you have an eating disorder?'

Wow, this girl doesn't hold back. Confronting people seems like a second nature for her.

I didn't realise I was crying until she pulled me into another hug.

'Should I take that as a yes?'

Marisa's voice was filled with sympathy.

I nodded my head and continued crying into Marisa's arms.

'Can I see your arms?'

I shook my head rapidly and held my sleeves.

'Please baby?' She pleaded.

I was weak and I didn't want to fight so I gave her my arm. She slowly pushed up my sleeves revealing the cuts I had done three days ago when I found out about Kenzie.

Marisa traced over them gently and her eyes watered.

'They're bad..' She whispered.

'When I did it, I went deeper than normal. They bled more than usual and I thought I was going to die. I was happy about that'.

'No. Don't say that'

'But that's the most messed up thing about it. I was happy because I thought I was going to die'

Marisa seemed broken and looked like she was going to cry. I felt guilty but I felt loved.

She cared.

'No she doesn't. It's all an act. No one cares about you. You're a worthless freak'

After several minutes of silence, Marisa spoke again.

'Does Demi know about this?'

I nodded. 'I told her just before you came home. She said we'd speak about it later but I guess she got carried away with her family and forgot'.

'They're not my family, they're our family baby girl. And no, I did not forget about you. I was just coming up to see if you were awake and willing to talk' Demi said as she walked into my room and sat on the other side of me.

'Can you tell us your story?' Demi asked

'What do you mean?'

'How did you get to this point? What lead you to this?' Marisa elaborated.

'I don't have much of a story. I don't get bullied and I wasn't abused as a child. I guess all my problems started when my sister died. It resulted in my parents splitting up. My dad was upset and found peace within alcohol which ended with him beating up my mum and going to jail.

When I was eleven my friend told me about cutting and then a few months later I did it. I haven't been able to stop since then. My eating disorder started only last year. Nothing really triggered it, I just felt fat so I starve myself and purge when I eat'

'oh, and I'm a lesbian which has just messed everything up even more' I added

Marisa sat there looking at me with disbelief.

'You say it like it's nothing' Demi said in shock.

'It is nothing' I replied 'I cut and starve myself. So what? So do millions of other of your Lovatics. I'm not the only one, nor am I the worst one. My problems are nothing compared to others'

'Nat don't compare yourself to others. You may not be the worst in the world but baby, you have issues and we're going to help you' Marisa said and kissed my head.

I smiled and snuggled into her. I was really starting to love Marisa. She made me feel safe.

'Tired?' She asked.

I nodded and yawned, still in Marisa's arms.

'Where's my hug?' Demi asked faking a hurt expression.

I laughed and turned away from Marisa and snuggled into Demi.

We all laid down in my bed and slept in there- all three of us.

I was snuggled into Demi's chest. Demi's arms were wrapped around me and Marisa was holding me from behind.

It was nice. I felt safe. I felt loved by both Marisa and Demi and I felt love for both of them in return.

I liked having a family.

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