Life with Demi Lovato

Chapter Thirty-Two

Why am I so unhappy?

I have a family who loves me. I have great friends. I have a beautiful girlfriend. I have an education. I have health. I have a roof over my head, food on the table. I have a clean set of clothes to wear each day.

So why am I so unhappy?

I have more right now than some people get in a lifetime.

I'm ungrateful.

Some people get no food. I have plenty of food and I waist it by purging.

I'm so fucking ungrateful. I'm a waist. I really should kill myself.

'Go to sleep' Demi said quietly from my doorway

'How'd you know I was awake?'

'The perks of being bipolar. Manic highs involve sleepless nights baby girl'

Demi came over to my bed and picked me up.

'I'm surprised you can still carry me' I sighed.

'You're perfect'

'I want to die'

'Don't say that. You're my baby girl and I love you so very much. You're prefect baby and I'm sad knowing that you want to die'

'I'm a failure Demi. No one would care if I kill myself'

'Natalie are you joking? I would care! I would be heart broken! You have a girlfriend upstairs that is madly in love with you. You have a one year old daughter that needs you. You have Marisa, who also loves you very very very much. And you have me. You have me Natalie. Do you understand? I love you so much and I care about you a heap and I'm so close to crying right now because you think I wouldn't care if you killed yourself'

'Dem I'm sorry..'

'Tell me you know that I love you' she demanded

'I know you love me..'

'Tell me you know I care about you'

'I know you care about me..'

'And now tell me you're beautiful and worthy of life'

'Why would I lie to myself?' I sobbed.

'Natalie Lovato, you are beautiful and you are worthy of life. I love you and I care about you and you are a warrior. You are my little warrior and you're worth recovery'

'I love you momma'

'I love you so so so much more'

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