Only His {Levi x Reader Modern AU} [BEING REWRITTEN]

Chapter 24: Fear

"_____, wait..."

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~Levi~

I knew what she was going to say. But I couldn't let her say it, no matter how much I wanted to hear it. If she got too close, I would lose her. For the first time in years, I was afraid.

"Don't say anything." I said to her.

"Levi..." she said again. There it was again, my name coming out of her pretty mouth that I tried so hard to ignore, "I don't know why I-"

"Please." I ran a hand through my already tousled hair and sighed. I couldn't bring myself to meet her gaze once more. "You don't know what will happen if you say those words."

"What do you mean by that?" ____'s voice was slightly shaky. I wondered if she was as scared as I was. There was a long moment of silence between us that felt like it dragged on for hours. "Is there something I should know?" She continued suddenly. I moved my eyes across the table and up her body towards her face.

"No." I said with firmness.

"Then why? Are you afraid?"

"No." I snapped towards her.

"You know. I know you do." _____ smiled slightly and shook her head, "Just like you always ask me, I know you're not an idiot. Neither am I." Her eyes bore into mine and I found it harder to breathe. "I won't lie to you, Levi. It's you."

~Reader~

The words finally slipped from my mouth and I suddenly felt the adrenaline I had been waiting for. My hands were shaking subtly but I threw them into my lap under the table out of view. I was suddenly at a loss for words and I could see Levi physically tighten in place.

"It can't." He said finally. But his words only puzzled me more. He didn't seem angry at my confession but he didn't seem overjoyed either. His features were dark and hard to read. There were so many thoughts behind his eyes that he seemed to be processing.

"Why not?"

"Because anyone who gets close to me gets hurt." He shook his head like he was trying to get rid of his thoughts. I wanted to comfort him but I didn't know how. It felt like I was walking on eggshells. I didn't want to make him more upset nor did I want to just do nothing. Instead I did the only thing I could think of.

Gently, I pulled one of my hands out from under the table and stretched it out towards the man in front of me. I left it palm up as a gesture for him to take it. Whether he would or not, I didn't know. But it was all I could do to comfort him.

His eyes darted down to my hand and didn't leave it. My mouth was clamped shut from anxiety as I waited. Just when it seemed like he wouldn't take it, he slowly placed his rough hand in mine. The familiar feeling of his hand sent a shiver up my spine and relief flooded my chest. I closed my fingers around his and squeezed for reassurance.

"Levi... I don't know what you've gone through to feel this way. But why don't you try? You don't have to be afraid of me..." I whispered. He didn't move at my words so I tried again, "Just let me be here for you. And maybe you will start to feel different."

Deep down I knew that he wasn't sure he felt the same about me. And that was okay. I had dealt with heartbreak before. If he just wanted to be friends, that was okay with me. I just wanted him to be happy.

"_____." Levi finally looked at me again and I felt my heart skip a beat. His eyes were pained with struggle but that was all I could see.

"Why don't we do something tomorrow? Just to get out and away from everything?" I suggested. Not exactly a date, but a chance to see each other in a different way after everything that has happened so far. We had both exposed a vulnerable side of ourselves. The way we see each other has changed and it wasn't just about me anymore.

"Alright" Levi agreed. Pleasantly surprised, I gave him a small smile.

"Let's talk about it tomorrow?"

"Alright." He said again. So I stood up from the table, pulling my hand out of his. The heat immediately left my palm and took the comfortable feeling in my chest with it. I felt slightly better for somewhat confessing to him about my feelings. It may not have been as direct as I wanted. But at least he had an idea for now. I sighed and stretched.

"Are you going to be okay?" Levi looked up at me. I had almost forgotten about Eren. I paused and looked away.

"I don't know about that yet. I think I just need to sleep and decompress."

I grabbed my cup on the table and took it to the sink to clean. I had my back turned to him and I let my face drop. In truth, I had no idea how I was going to move forward with Eren. He had been my best friend for years. I wasn't ready to drop it all because of some petty jealousy. And I didn't want to have to choose between Levi and Eren. My fear of abandonment was eating away at my insides. I didn't want to lose anyone that I cared about. Especially when I didn't have a lot to begin with. I drew in a deep breath and my shoulders shook with it.

I heard movement behind me and suddenly felt Levi's presence much closer.

"_____." His voice washed over me and I felt the emotion build in my chest. "Turn around." He commanded softly. I didn't. He waited for a moment before I felt his hand on my waist, turning me towards him. I kept my head down but that also was compromised when he slid his fingers under my chin to lift my face up to his. By this point, my eyes were welling up with tears.

"Don't waste another tear on him. Do you understand?" He was only inches away from me. I could smell the faint traces of his cologne from work. I couldn't bring myself to speak, so I nodded weakly. "You've had a long day. I think it's time you get to bed." There was a long pause between us. I resisted the urge to glance down at his lips. Before anything else could happen, Levi took a step back from me and the closeness was gone. I also took a step away and turned to walk out of the kitchen.

"Goodnight Levi. And thank you." I gave him a glance over the shoulder and a wave. Then I silently stepped out of the kitchen towards the stairs.

"Goodnight _____."

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