Blurred Sentimentality

Fix (Ch. 34)

Olivia

I kissed him with much more force than in the beginning, and he kissed me back with a stronger force. His lips were soft and smooth. They felt perfect against mines. Our lips just fitted together, like they were made for each other. I couldn't believe that the guy I was kissing now was Chaz. I've waited for so long, attempting to be loyal to Matt. Now, I gave in, and it turned out amazing.

Chaz was everything I'd want in a man. It was such a shame that Matt didn't make me see this at first. I even doubted if I were good enough for him. He was Chaz Carter afterall. I was just one of those girls who really liked him.

We pulled away slowly, searching for breath. I moved my gaze to his bright, blue eyes. They looked brighter than usual, much less dull. I smiled at that and he smirked at me.

He held his arms around my back and I rested my head on his shoulder, facing his neck. He smelled so good. It wasn't even a cologne. It just came with him, and that was impressive as hell. Everything about him was impressive as hell.

I wanted to peck his neck, but I was too nervous. He had a great effect on me. When he looked at me with that look, I just froze. I finally closed my eyes and did it. He stiffened a bit then relaxed. And when I did it again, he closed his eyes and smiled, exposing his attractive dimples.

"I'm not good for you." He whispered as I slowly kissed his neck.

"I don't care." I whispered back.

"You should. What happens when you play with fire? It catches on you too. Same thing here. You being with someone messed up makes you messed up too."

"You don't have to say that, since it's not true." I stopped kissing him and stared at him.

"It is." He said with a weak smile.

"I'll help you heal." I cupped his face and he closed his eyes, giving me a pained smile.

"You can't, Ollie. I can't be healed." He whispered.

"Tell me... Tell me what happened." I whispered carefully.

"I can't tell you." He said quietly. That hurt. He didn't trust me enough.

"Why?" I tried not to show that I was disappointed.

"It's not about trust." He said as if he read my mind. "I just- I can't."

"Is it too painful to talk about?" I whispered.

"Yeah, but I can. It's just that.. I can't. I'm not supposed to." He said seriously, ruining the romantic mood.

I climbed down from his lap and sat next to him.

"I'm sorry." He glanced at me.

"Why can't you tell me? I'll do my best to help you, Chaz. I care about you. It hurts me to see you sad." I said painfully.

"I'm not sad when you're around." He murmured and I bit back a smile. "I just can't tell you, amore."

He said the last word in Italian, but I knew what it meant so I smiled. It mainly meant love, but was used as a babe or baby.

I sighed and looked away. We kissed so much that my lips felt sore. I still wanted to kiss him though, but it wasn't the appropriate time to do so.

"I want to know everything about you." I sighed again. "Good or bad."

"Me too, but I can't say the bad. There's barely any good so-" I stopped him before he finished.

"Stop underestimating yourself. You don't know how great you are or how much you mean to me." I said quickly, furrowing my eyebrows. It was ridiculous. His personality was absolutely beautiful. He just didn't see it. Just because he was sad.. -depressed, didn't mean that he was a bad person.