Blurred Sentimentality

Sentimentality (Final Chapter)

Olivia

I didn't know how many times I joked about this, but this time, seriously, my life was over. I've been waiting for what seemed like twenty years before the doctor came my way. I could tell he was hiding something.

I held my stomach, held whoever is in there, and just hoped it was either that the rate increased so much and he woke up, or it was a mistake.

And then the doctor said something I didn't expect, maybe said, but deep down, never, ever considered. "I'm afraid we just lost Carter. I'm sorry we couldn't do anything, we tried electricity, did everything to speed up his heart beat, but I'm sorry, it stopped."

I felt like I was going to go blind, like all my life crumbled and burned into ashes. Maybe not all stories had a happy ending. Maybe not all stories ended with marrying Prince Charming and living happily ever after, maybe not all stories started off sad and ended up happy, maybe it happened in reverse, started happy and ended sad, or had a happy climax to end up sad.

I was bawling my eyes out when his mother placed a hand on my shoulder. "I lost him too."

"You don't understand." I cried out. I felt like killing myself, but I couldn't. If it weren't for the baby, I wouldn't have been living to this point, crying out my heart because the man I loved wasn't breathing anymore.

He changed me. Changed me so damn much. It's been about half an hour and I already missed how he smiled at me, how his dimples popped when he woke up in the morning, how I brushed off his messy hair when I woke up in his arms, how he got mad when I called guys on the TV cute, how he fought literally any boy who touched me, how he stood up for me, cared for me, loved me..

I missed his cockiness, his overconfidence, even his arrogance and his offensive comments. I missed how he got so triggered when his team lost a football match on TV, or especially in real life, how he joked around with Dan and Jay and always made the scene more beautiful. The room always lit up when he was in it. He turned serious situations into a big, funny joke. He was annoying and stubborn and always got me mad when we were in argument.

I missed his lips on my skin, his soft pecks on my lips, the way he kissed my head every night, the way he touched me, or winked at me, or bit his lips, or sparkled his sharp blue eyes, making them look way cuter.

I've been missing him all the time he was gone, but only now that he was literally gone, I realized how life was hell without him. If it were someone else's death now, he would've been holding me in his strong arms and calming me down, but now it was me without him. Me facing the world without him.

It was us versus the world, now it was me versus the world. Me and his child versus the world.

At least, I told myself, he gave me his child. I hoped that the child would turn out with the same bright blue eyes, and the same dark brown hair and adorable dimples so I would always look at them and remember their dad. The man I loved so dearly.

"Why is life so harsh?" I cried out on the hospital's bed that he was in before. It smelled so much like him, like he were here just now. Only that he was probably getting ready to be buried six feet under me.

"Why?!" I screamed at the hospital room, looked at the machine that was shut down, that machine that stressed me out, that showed his pulse decreasing every single day. I used my fist to punch it hard, again, and again and again till my hand was bleeding.

"What are you doing?" I heard his voice call me, and when I turned, he stood there, smiling widely at me, dimples out. I gasped.

"Chaz!" I screamed and ran to him, and when I opened my arms to hold him, he disappeared into thin air.