Immortal Lovers {Run 2}

14. Broken Me

By the time I had gotten through the woods leading to the cliff, I began regretting my decision. I stood at the edge of the woods staring at the grass hill to the top of the cliff, picturing my mum lying on the hard ground scared and in pain. That man was on top of her, smiling despite the woman he had feelings for crying below him. That didn't matter to him at that point. He knew what he wanted to do and would do anything to accomplish it. I wondered what would have happened if my dad had stopped Samuel sooner. I wouldn't be stood here today, but my mum would have been happy. At this moment I would have made that sacrifice so she could have lived a full life.

I didn't want my image of the cliffside to be about anger and sadness. Ever since Rosie turned me here, it had been a place of peace and comfort, but now all the bad memories of my mum being abused and years later my younger self stood at the edge of the cliffside was all I could think about. With all of my strength, I forced myself to walk up the hill and stand at the edge of the cliffside once again. I wanted to jump and feel pain to distract myself from my thoughts for a little while. The thoughts were reminding me that a part of me was the same as Samuel, that my mum was so sad all of the time as I was a constant reminder of the pain she went through. I wanted to feel physical pain rather than emotional pain. Just temporarily. But I knew that wasn't possible. I wasn't human anymore which meant I had to make a lot of sacrifices.

I stared down at the jagged rocks below, knowing the sound of the waves crashing into them all too well. I was so deep in my own thoughts that I hadn't sensed the footsteps approaching me from behind until a hand came down onto my back. The creature inside of me quickly reacted. I grabbed hold of the person's arm and spun them around to throw them to the ground. With my knee against the person's chest, I suddenly realised who it was.

Luke was staring up at me in shock and fright. I quickly scrambled off of him and took a few steps back before rubbing my hands over my face. Luke took a moment to compose himself and stand back up. I quickly spun back around to face the edge of the view once again. After a while, Luke stood himself beside me.

"I knew you'd be here," he murmured, staring down at the water below.

"I didn't want you to follow me," I retaliated. "I wanted to be alone."

"Really?" Luke asked. "Then ask me to leave."

He was calling my bluff. I gritted my teeth and stayed silent. I hated it when other people were right. I knew being by myself I would be more dangerous than I already was. It was comforting knowing Luke was here to calm me if he needed to. I just couldn't admit it.

"What did you see?" Luke asked in a calm voice. "If you tell me maybe I can help piece it all together."

I let out a long sigh; my chin fell to my chest and my shoulders sagged. Every part of me was growing tired of fighting these memories. None of them made sense. They were so sporadic in my mind that I couldn't find the link that held them together.

I slowly sunk to the ground and let my legs dangle over the cliffside. Luke followed me, crossing his legs beside me. He didn't say anything; instead he just waited until I was ready.

"My mum was pregnant when she was pushed down the stairs," I murmured, keeping my head low. "She must of told my dad and he pushed her. I don't understand why. He was kind and gentle, not a monster."

The silence that followed was long. I let my mind drift to the sounds of the waves below in a weak attempt to stop myself from crying, but soon enough the tears were building in my eyes and all it made me feel was anger towards myself.

"I know this may be hard to hear," Luke eventually said, "but maybe your dad thought it was Samuel's baby."

I turned to look at him. "What?"

"Well your dad may have been paranoid that Samuel had something to do with this baby like last time with you. He might have gotten angry and took it out on your mum."

I wanted to argue back. I didn't know why. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't want to think that my own mum was hurt so many times in her life, that maybe if I had been older or looked out for her more as a child then I could have stopped it. Maybe I didn't want to believe that my dad was capable of pushing my mum down the stairs in anger, but the more I thought about it the more plausible it got. After all my dad was a vampire.

And with that I burst into tears. Luke put his arms around me and held me close. I buried my face into his shoulder and screamed and sobbed as much as I could. Almost every part of my childhood was a lie. So many people shielded me from the truth in an attempt to protect me, but all it had done was broken me.

I sat there with Luke on the cliffside not knowing what parts of my childhood was true, realising how much I had been hating Samuel when maybe I should be doing the same to my dad.

*****

I crept through the front door to a silent house. The lights had been left on, but Rosie was nowhere to be seen. I paced down the hallway and quietly opened the living room door to find her curled up in the armchair asleep, her arms wrapped tight around herself and her eyes closed. Her head lay on the arm of the chair and she whimpered occasionally when she breathed out. I slowly approached her and crouched down in front of the chair, noticing a few tears lingering in the corner of her closed eyes. It broke my heart to think she had cried herself to sleep.

I reached up to pull the hair back from her eyes, revelling in the feeling of running my fingers through her hair. She stirred slightly, murmuring and whimpering to herself as she crawled out of her deep sleep. I sat on my knees in front of her and watched her teary eyes open. Her face showed shock before she uncurled herself and threw her arms around me, pleading to be forgiven. I was surprised at first. I had taken my frustration out on her and pushed her to her limits. I should be the one apologising.

She held me so close as if she was too frightened to let me go again. She was shaking against me and running her hands over my back and into my hair in comfort. I held her tight too and promised myself that I wouldn't ever let go again.

"I-I'm so sorry, Harry," she sobbed. "I shouldn't have pushed you. It is my fault and I hate myself for not being there for you..."

I instantly pulled back from her. Rosie's bottom lip was trembling, and tears dripped down her face. I had let her believe those negative things about herself. She always had doubts about herself and when I got angry, I knew how to use them against her. I felt like a monster.

"Never ever say that again," I told her, reaching up to hold her head in my hands.

"What?" she asked quietly.

"That you hate yourself. I never want to hear you say that again. This is my fault. I got angry and used you as a punchbag. I don't want you hating yourself, Rosie."

"But-"

"But nothing," I interrupted. "You are strong and independent and beautiful. I aspire to be like you one day, to know who I am and what I want to be. The guilt I put on you was wrong, and I am so sorry that I did that to you. I understand your frustration now. I need to be stronger, not just for myself but for you and Kayla too. I'm going to get help, okay?"

I could tell that Rosie was taking in every word I was saying. She nodded slowly in response before I brought her head towards me until our foreheads were touching.

"I love you more than anything, Rosie," I whispered. "Love yourself as much as I love you."

A smile finally broke out onto her face. I watched as her eyes fell closed and the tears soon stopped. Her calm being returned. It was something I always thrived to see.

I lifted her up from the chair and sat down on it, softly placing my wife on my lap. She let out a few calming breaths as her body sunk against mine. I focused on her breathing and each slight movement she made against me as she got comfortable in my hold. We stayed there for hours as I silently rocked her back to sleep, noticing her smile as I hummed a soft tune into her ear. Eventually she grew heavy against me and she began to snore softly. It was moments like this that I knew I would never forget.