Even If It Kills Me (One Direction and The Vamps Fan Fiction)

Chapter 39

Emma's POV

Zayn came in and told me about some zombie apocalypse thing. All I really know is Katie forgave James and he's now helping her since Connor punched her? All I care about is that everyone is safe and okay. That's all that has ever mattered to me.

I finally kicked Zayn out of his own bunk since all he's been doing recently is watch over me. I'm doing okay now, I just don't want to see anyone. I've always liked to be alone because being alone also means no one needs to ask me questions about what happened.

Well what happened was people knew me. They knew who Emma was, and that terrifies me. Sure I would always like to be famous for playing guitar and singing, but come on. We all know that that's a one in a million chance. Also, I have some social anxiety which is something no famous person should have since they deal with people constantly.

I hear the door to the bus open and I can tell someone is probably coming to check on me. Everyone's outside as they switch the tires, but I'm guessing it's Harry coming to check on me.

I feel horrible for freaking out on him like that. I just felt like I could barely breathe, and I didn't know what to do. I never liked people caring for me because I feel weak, but that's just one of the many things I seemed to have forced upon these boys. Because I'm always getting hurt, I seem to always need their care. I hate it and I feel terrible. Maybe it would've been better if I never came on this tour.

I pretend to be asleep so I don't have to deal with talking to Harry since I still feel horrible for forcing this all on him.

I hear the curtain be pulled back, but it doesn't make much of a difference because I guess Harry turned the light off so he wouldn't wake me.

"Oh Emma," Harry whispers sadly to himself as he sits down next to me on the bed.

"Why?" he asks himself quietly, making sure not to wake me. "Why am I never good enough? Why can't I protect you, Emma? All I want is for you to be safe, but that seems to be impossible these days. It hurt me so bad when I saw you like that; scared, frightened. It scared me. You look so strong Emma, and you've fought so hard. But every hero gets hurt, right? And me. I should be your hero. I should be the one protecting you. But I fail so many times, Emma. Why?"

My heart breaks to hear him speak like this and it continues to break with every word he says. I can't stand to see/hear him like this. He deserves to be happy, not to cry over a stupid girl who can't take care of herself.

I can't take this anymore.

"Harry," I say groggily, half pretending I was sleeping, half because I was kind of sleeping. I open my eyes to see Harry sitting beside me, tears brimming his eyes. Just the sight of him like this brings tears to my eyes. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Emma," he says as he takes my hand in his. I sit up so I can talk to him easier. I scoot towards the wall and Harry swings his feet onto the bed. I absentmindedly rest my head on his shoulder.

"I have every reason to be sorry, Harry," I tell him. "All I have been this whole tour is a burden. My whole life I have needed someone to take care of me. I hate it. I wish I could be on my own, but I can't."

"I could care less that you need help," Harry says as he rubs his thumb in circles on my hand. "Everyone needs help. I need help. Zayn needs help. Niall needs a lot of help!"

Harry and I both laugh at the last one and I realize how much I have missed Harry while I avoided him.

"But you've been my help," he says truthfully. I look up at him and can't help but smile. He's so beautiful and not all of that beauty is on the outside.