Even If It Kills Me (One Direction and The Vamps Fan Fiction)

Chapter 48

Tristan's POV

I can't believe it.

She's really gone.

I know she's wanted to leave us numerous times, but this time she's actually gone. She's left us.

I've been walking around in a daze these past couple days. At the concerts, Brad knows to not to involve me in a lot with the crowds since I'm not really in the mood anymore.

Every time I play a concert, I look off to the side of the stage while I'm playing, expecting to see Emma sitting there. She always preferred the floor to a chair, so she would bring her feet close to her and her back against a wall. She would close her eyes and get lost in the music. Whenever she felt me staring (which was a lot) she would open her eyes and her gaze would lock on mine. Then she would smile and I couldn't help but smile back at her.

Every time I round a corner, I expect to see Emma standing there laughing at one of Louis's stupid jokes. Every time I walk onto the buses I expect to see Emma sitting on the floor playing her guitar or in the kitchen eating her Nutella Waffle Sandwich.

But she's never there.

She's gone.

I've called at least once every hour, but she never picks up. I've texted her like crazy too.

I checked her Instagram and it looks like she has deleted it, along with her twitter.

She's just trying to disappear from us and it hurts, but it probably doesn't hurt her as much as it hurts us. She thought she was hurting us, but she wasn't.

"Let's go get something to eat, Tris," Brad suggests, just trying to get me to do something. I shrug my shoulders and try calling her again.

My eyes widen and I begin to tear up a little at what happens. She's gone. She really is. And she doesn't want me to be there with her, which hurts a lot.

"Tristan, what is it?" Brad asks as he kneels in front of me, trying to get my attention.

"Her phone," I manage to get out. "She disconnected her phone number."

"Oh Tris," he sighs, pulling me into a hug. "We'll find her. Don't you worry."

I nod my head since I can't manage to get words out.

"Let's go eat," Brad says, leading me out of the room. "Food fixes everything."

I nod my head and agree to go with him, even though I know he's lying.

Nothing can fix my broken heart except Emma being here with me.

Emma's POV

"Are you sure about this dear?"

"Yes I'm positive," I reply. "I need to get away from here."

"But you've lived in England your whole life!"

"That's exactly why I need to get away, Aunt Kristin," I sigh.

"Okay okay. Where are you staying now?" Aunt Kristin asks.

"In my apartment but I'm packing up already," I confirm as I continue putting my junk in boxes.

"Okay I will send you a ticket and get you here as soon as possible," my aunt replies.

***

I exit the airport and take a cab going to downtown Paris, France. I deleted all social media websites, disconnected my phone number, and sold my apartment, all in record time.

I just need to start over. It's hard to know that you're just kind of tagging along and that no one really wants you there. I was just getting everyone hurt anyway. I know I made the right choice, but I know for a fact that I will forever miss the only real friends I have ever had.

Katie and Cat will soon realize I'm never coming back and they'll replace me with a prettier, nicer girl. Zayn will get over me not being there soon. Niall will realize I no longer need his help since I don't plan on getting beat up any time soon. Harry and Tristan will realize that they're too good for me and they should move on.

One Direction and The Vamps will move on.

I'll be the only one left who can't move on.

I'll be that clinging one who doesn't want to let go of the only friends I know.

"But it's time to let go," are the words that run through my head as I walk up to my Aunt Kristin's flat.

"Bon jour!" She says excitedly as she crushes me in a hug. "I haven't seen you in 3 whole years! My how you've grown! More and more beautiful each time."

She leads me into the apartment which is on the top floor. "I cleaned out my art room and got it ready for you," she says as she opens the door to the old art room.

It has paint splatters all over the room from past projects and some canvases hanging on a clothes line to dry and some leaning against the wall. There's also a dresser and a big queen sized bed in the middle.

I give Aunt Kristin a big hug as I tell her,"Thank you so much. This is exactly what I need."

"Good to hear," she replies with a light laugh. "Now unpack and get dressed. You are going to get a tour of downtown Paris."

***

Aunt Kristin helps me get a job at a cafe near the Eiffel Tower that I work at every day except weekends. I go to the parks nearby and play my guitar there in my free time, learning some French songs since I took French in high school so my French is already pretty good and its getting better each day.

Work and music doesn't help the nights though.

I cry myself to sleep every night, thinking about what I would be doing today if I was with them. I might be curled up against Tristan's side as he strokes my hair and I fall asleep. I could be with the boys having a FIFA football tournament or playing my guitar with all of them singing in perfect harmony.

Some days I doubt the decisions I made that night, to leave the boys and my best friends. Other days I know that it was right to leave everyone behind so that no one gets hurt by me anymore. That's all I have ever done anyway, hurt everyone.

Don't even get me started on Tristan.

I miss him so much it physically hurts.

I can't deny it anymore.

I'm almost positive I love him. I'm not exactly sure what love is, but being with him is the closest I have ever felt to love and I would do anything to be in his arms one more time.

I can never forget my favorite times with him, especially when he said he was going to carry me bridal style on our wedding day because he was just so positive we would make it that far together. I never can forget how I can hear his heart beat when he hugs me. There's something reassuring about hearing his heart beat consistently, but a little bit harder when I am close to him, just like my heart beats harder around him.

I can never forget the hugs, the talks, that day on the bridge. It will forever be trapped in my mind and forever be the dreams I dream at night. It will be the reason I cry at 2 in the morning.

Because the boy that I love, I left.

I never wanted to hurt him, but in the end I realized that all I ever did was hurt him.

So I left for the better to start a new life in Paris, leaving all that I have ever loved behind for the better.

By: flicka602