Even If It Kills Me (One Direction and The Vamps Fan Fiction)

Chapter 50

Cat's POV

I've never been in love and I barely feel any strong affection for anyone. But when I do, I fall so deep, so hard, and so fast it's ridiculous. Which is why I can't just forget about Brad. I'd love for this to be easy, but I can't get over;

His smile and how it lights up my day and everyone else's too.

His laugh and how joyful it sounds and how happy it makes others including myself.

His eyes and the galaxies I see in them as they hypnotize anyone who stares into them, like a hypnotist with a clock.

His voice, do I even need to explain? Talking, singing, even coughing it's mesmerizing.

His warmth, the physical when I've gotten to be close to him and the emotional warm feeling I get whenever he's around and the cute, fuzzy warmth he brings to any room.

But most of all, I can't he over his whole existence. How does someone as perfect as him even exist? Is he even human?

And I'm not even saying it in a fangirly way that he's perfect, he was literally just a normal guy to me and I still thought of him to be perfect.

They say that if you want to know what someone fears loosing the most, watch what they photograph. Well, my camera is filled with pictures from concerts and pictures of Brad. So we can all figure out what that says about me.

And let's talk about the way Brad treats me, is he even a real guy? He treats me like a princess and isn't afraid to show me affection in public, but my favorite thing is the way he looks at me.

He looks at me like I'm not just some girl from Cornwall, which honestly is all I am. He looks at me like I'm the only thing that matters in the world and when I talk he actually pays close attention. He stares at me blankly as I talk and I can tell he is taking in the words I say, even if whatever I'm talking about isn't important in the least, he acknowledges every word. Then after I finish, he smiles at me with nothing but adoration in his big, brown eyes. He makes me feel important, and it's a major confidence booster to actually matter to an attractive band member. And I love him.

I've realized that I love many things. I love horror movies. I love mac and cheese. I love little furry animals. I love music and playing music way too loud. I love candid photos and Polaroids. And, I love Bradley Will Simpson.

Unfortunately, dating Bradley Will Simpson is not a simple task. He's got millions of girls who want him and girls who won't stick around to watch him be with another girl. If Brad was faced with the decision of me or his fans and career, I'm hoping he wouldn't choose me. Playing music for people is his dream and I refuse to let someone I care so much about throw away their biggest dream come true for me. So just in case he is willing to waste time to make things work with me, I'm going to break up with him. I'll make sure he understands that it's not his fault in any way, though.

After letting some of my sadness out on Katie, I went back to my empty hotel room. Ever since this tour started, I've barely had any alone time. It's so weird being alone, no boys, no Katie, no Emma.

Emma.

I've been so caught up in my own life that I'd forgotten about her. Of course I still realized she wasn't here, but I continued my normal routine as if nothing happened. I feel ashamed. Emma is my best friend and here I am not even worrying about the fact that she could be anywhere right now. She could be hurt, and I'm here being self centered and worrying about nothing but my own problems. How could I be so selfish? Like oh, poor little Cat can't deal with having the best boyfriend ever and is about to throw it all away instead of actually trying to get her best friend back.